Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2 - young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way [2]

Some people believe that young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults.
To what extend do you agree or disagree.?

It is true that the number of teenagers commting crime has drastically in created in recent years. Personally, I completely disagree with the idea that strict punishments for juvenile delinquents are the same as other offenders.

On the one hand, strict punishment of young criminals may have adverse effects. to be precise, they are still too young to fully understand the consequence of breaking the law and the danger of a criminal lifestyle. Therefore, they can not responsible for what they did as the seriousness of their criminal act. Furthermore, teenagers couldn't evaluate their decision wisely because they tend to be seduced by their toxic friends and harassment by other adults.

On the other hand, I believe that adolescents could be remorseful for what they had done and turn their lives around if we educate their mindset about their crimes. One option would be rather than sending them to prison where serious criminals are living, they should let to stay in reformatory schools, where they can rehabilitate physiology and continue their studies. For instance, if we teach them positive aspects of life and encourage them that they still have a chance to become normal, productive members of society. Another option would be allowing ex-prisoners to speak to young people about what happens if they keep following the criminal lifestyle.

In conclusion, treating juvenile delinquents like other crimes may make them suffer from psychological problems. I am convinced that other measures such as reformatory schools should also be introduced.

Hello, could you please point out my mistakes and calculate a band score for this essay? Thank you

Writing Feedback / Essay about ex-prisoner are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of crime [2]

allowing ex-prisoners talk with youth to prevent crime

It is true that offenders after rehabilitation could indeed be good citizens, and allowing these people to talk to teenagers is the best way to help students gather knowledge about the crime. While I agree with this opinion, I believe that there is still a better method to discourage young people from committing a crime

In my opinion, ex-prisoner have a real experience of crime because are they underwent a long process from committing a crime to imprisonment and becoming free citizens. Therefore they had many experiences with the criminal lifestyle, how they became a criminal and how remorseful they are. While adolescents use to be reluctant to take advice from adults and tend to do the opposite. This method may educate students about the seriousness of crime so they can understand the hazards that are associated with crime.

However, I believe there is still a better solution. One option would be to let police officers visit schools to talk about crime issues. If the policeman talks to students about the danger of breaking the law, teenagers are still knowledgeable about crime without being shocked by the reality. Another option would be to introduce crime as a subject at school. Criminology will be a credible source of information and through this subject, students can have a holistic view of crime. Finally, crime short films could help teenagers imagine the daily life of prisoners. Therefore they would be keen to see the reality of life in incarceration

In conclusion, although people who undergo imprisonment could help to deter young people from committing crimes. I believe we should introduce criminology into the education curriculum

- I need help with my Ielts writing task 2 this is the topic Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many thanks