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Posts by kathyjingzi
Joined: Nov 2, 2009
Last Post: Nov 6, 2009
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  
From: China

Displayed posts: 4
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kathyjingzi   
Nov 6, 2009
Graduate / China study - Brandeis International Business School--Maief [9]

Thank you Kevin!

Just one more question:
the last sentence of my essay--

" So when I noticed that Brandeis International Business School offers considerable international opportunities, I was sure that I would benefit this school by contributing my uniqueness and my personal power. "

ends in past tense. Is it sounds not very persuasive? I meam will it be better to use present tense to express my strong desire of entering this University.
kathyjingzi   
Nov 5, 2009
Graduate / China study - Brandeis International Business School--Maief [9]

Thank you so much Kevin!
I have revised my essay according your and Melissa's advice. Is the 2nd edition better?
--------------------------------------------------
Born and raised in China, I am affected by Confucianism about the proprieties of how to behave in society . Studying in Zhejiang province, which is home to successful and influential private entrepreneurs, I learned the idea of applying Confucianism into business practices. The visits to some of the old enterprises owned by Confucian entrepreneurs such as Zhang Xiaoquan Knives and Scissors Store and Hu Qing Yu Tang of Traditional Chinese Medicines and convinced me to believe their way of doing business. (Do I need to explain further the idea of Confucian Entrepreneurs? I mean, it is a relatively abstract concept. I'm afraid to make a mistake by interpreting it)

My faith(it is not a religious belief, so can I say it this way?) not only influences me but also the people around. When studied in Ludwig-Maximilians University Munich as an exchange student, I brought the concept of Confucian Entrepreneurs to classroom discussion. In the course of International Business, we were asked to design a new market strategy for a Brazil sports beverage firm who was about to launch its business in Japan. Instead of adopting zero-sum game strategy, I led the team to form an idea of sacrificing instant interests and chasing for long term ones(Is this expression a little bit Chinese?) . In Asian regions where people are potentially influenced by Confucianism, it is more important to build a credible brand image and to conduct some seemingly unprofitable methods in exchange of long term relationships with government and consumers. As a result, the professor praised our plan as the most feasible mean and it coincided with what the Brazil company actually did.

I believe that my knowledge of Confucian Entrepreneurs will contribute to the classroom of Brandeis International Business School just as I did before. The boom of China's economy also substantiates the mode of Confucian Entrepreneurs. And I am sure the ancient wisdom can create new perceptions in modern business and economic world controlled by western developed countries for centuries.

My vision has been broadened since my exchange in Germany. In Ludwig-Maximilians University Munich, it was always we, the students, who dominated the class. It is a huge difference from Chinese Universities, where the professor takes the control. Having experienced the German way of study, (I'm not sure about this expression) I gradually realize how much I can learn from holding a business meeting, organizing a case study and leading a team to make a project. That was the value of vibrant class, not the dead textbook. (I delete " However, I gradually realize how I really mastered the method to hold a business meeting, the approach to organize a case study, the way to lead a team and let everyone contribute their voices. Having a clear logical analysis process, I came up with more and more suggestive solutions to business cases. All of them were not taught, but I magically learned them. since it seems to be too personal. I am expected to answer the question, right?")

Inspired by this experience, I made a research comparing Chinese and German classes, with a hope to diversify my university in the mode of teaching. During the research, I was convinced that the difference might be caused by cultural values. I started from the point of university classes and expanded it to how people were educated from childhood. Then I wrote a paper based on this research, which not only won the first prize of Academic Scholarship of exchange student, but also influenced my department into a discussion on the innovation of teaching styles.

Zhejiang University offered me an opportunity to experience the world. I valued this chance and had a great performance(Do I need to be more specific? I want to express that I can not only experience the difference but also make contribution according to my experience). So when I notice that Brandeis International Business School offers considerable international opportunities, I am sure that I will benefit this school by my uniqueness and my influential power(Is this sentence proper? I'm thinking of another one).
kathyjingzi   
Nov 2, 2009
Graduate / China study - Brandeis International Business School--Maief [9]

I am applying for Brandeis International Business School, program of international Economics and Finance. Here is one essay of application. The question is---

What international/cross-cultural experiences will you bring to Brandeis International Business School and how will this contribute to the classroom?

This is my first draft. Hope I can get some advice.
------------------------------------------------------------ -

Born and raised in China, I succeed to Confucian way of thinking. While studying in Zhejiang, which enjoys its reputation of having successful and influential private entrepreneurs, I am affected by the idea of applying Confucianism into economy and business. That is the concept of Confucian Entrepreneurs. By reading their biographies and visiting their enterprises such as Zhang Xiaoquan Knives and Scissors Store and Hu Qing Yu Tang of Traditional Chinese Medicines, I believe in Confucian Entrepreneurs' way of doing business.

...
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