Undergraduate / "My fear of time" - Describe a Significant Moment In Your Life [6]

Prompt: Using the quotation below as a jumping off point, tell us about an event or experience that helped you define one of your values or changed how you approach the world:

''Some questions cannot be answered./ They become familiar weights in the hand,/ Round stones pulled from the pocket, unyielding and cool.''

It has been said that a man is defined by his fears; I am by no means an exception. As such I am defined by my fear of time. I shirk thoughts of the future but not because I fear the unknown. I fear lost time. With every passing minute I am burdened with thoughts of what I could have done, ways I could have been more productive, and opportunities I missed out on. It is this incessant cycle of qualms which defines me above all else.

I once had a lengthy conversation with a good friend about this issue; he is an optimistic Chinese immigrant, bright with the excitement of being in a land of opportunity and overcoming adversity, a cockeyed optimist. Our conversation, although at the time seemingly small, climaxed with 6 words that would have a snowball effect for the next two years. We talked about sports, then school, then our future, until the words "I love time" blurted out of his mouth. I was taken back, it was this moment I had all of a sudden realized my fear of time, I couldn't comprehend what he was trying to say and I told him "I fear time." At this moment we both went silent, trying to empathize with the other. After this we both instinctively let the conversation change course. However that moment still rings in my mind.

I started writing this essay with the sentiment that my fear of time which led me in becoming an efficient, hard working student is what defined me above all else and was the most pivotal moment in my life. However now that I am nearing the end I see that this essay is proving to be an even more significant moment. Before approaching this prompt I was certain that I had a correct ideology, but now I'm thinking in an entirely different way. With every keystroke I enter I realize more and more flaws in my mentality and how I approach the world. I was asked to talk about an experience that changed how I approached the world, this is that experience. I now do not fear time, nor do I love it. Instead I have come to understand time the best that I can. Time has become my unyielding stone, smooth, cool; I hold it in my hand and readily embrace what it has in store for me.