Posts by teddigrahm

teddigrahm

Nov 8, 2009

Undergraduate / Submitted my application, but got a call it had mistakes. What to do now? [5]

You should probably call the admission's office, or at least email them. You have a ton of time to fix the application, if the CSU you are refeering to is Colorado State University. Just ask them what you need to fix and they should be more than happy to help you! :)

I hope this helps! And if you have time you should check out my essay! (see my profile:)

teddigrahm

Nov 8, 2009

Undergraduate / Essay about my superhero in my childhood, which was my mother [13]

Sometimes in life you meet people that could change all life (This is an awkward ending to your sentence).A movie star, a famous poet, a teacher or a friend can make difference. The person who had been influenced my life was not a movie star was not famous,she simply had the most important job in the world,she was a mother.She is my mother.When I first met her she welcomed me with a big hug.

To me she is the most beautiful women,I have ever seen.She is in her middle fourties. She has got curly black hair which is quite long.She has brown-almond shapes eyes.

My mother is my (passive) my best friend, my teacher and my listener. Her children and family are the most important things in her world.She becomes a fighter for her children, family. She is very helpful, she is in charge of a private charity association which helps many families. It assists with habitat,education for poor children and health.

She is a very strong woman who is a wonderful mother , wife and doctor in the same time. She works in a hospital in the morning and she goes to another clinic in the afternoon. And in the evening she cares of us and home. She is very stubborn and ambitious but it affects her life.She damages herself and I must admit she is very successful.

The reason I make good choices is because of her. I know she cares for me and is going to do her best she can do. She is always there for me when I need her. She helps me with all the problems that I have. She had the most influence because she loves me,cares about me, consistently, openly and without regret since the day I was born.

In conclusion, I am very blessed to have an amazing,wonderful mother because everybody cannot have that kind of mother. I am a lucky one.

Hey! So picking you're mother was a very good decision because it a mother is a strong topic that everyone can relate to. You should make sure you really capture who your mother is. Do her looks really matter(nothing offensive) to who she is as a person. And maybe instead of listing all the things she is, take one of them and elaborate extensively as an example. You use parallel structure really well throughout the essay, but sometimes you're sentences structure suffers because of that. Make sure you mix it up, use some simple sentences, some complex, some compound, and some compound-complex sentences. It will really make your essay a lot more readable and exciting.

Also, in your conclusion it would be a lot stronger if talk a bit more about how not everyone has a mother, instead of focusing on you being lucky. Use the overall meaning of your essay, that you have a great mother to draw the conclusion that not everyone has one, and therefore she is your superhero. :)

Good luck and good job! :)

teddigrahm

Nov 8, 2009

Undergraduate / Claremont Mckenna-What influenced you the most in your decision to apply to CMC? [5]

What influenced you the most in your decision to apply to CMC?

I don't know if I went too overboard on the metaphor, but I feel like it did a good job of explaining my thought process.

Discovering Claremont Mckenna was like pealing an onion for me. Every time I considered it as an option, I noticed another layer of greatness under the one I was examining. My top layer was the location, and then under that was the academic rigor that was expected. I want a school with great academics and will provide me with all the classes and tools I needed to succeed. Claremont Mckenna has the international relations and business that I want, not the Chinese, but before I knocked it off my list, I peeled back another layer and found the consortium aspect of CMC, and fell in love with the idea of such a diverse community, with so many opportunities. I found out that I could take Chinese at Pomona, and Claremont jumped back up to the top of my list. I did not think I could like this school any more than did, but that changed when I visited Claremont. The final layer was ripped away, and I found the heart of the reason why I want to go to Claremont Mckenna. My interviewer and tour guide showed me who I would become if I went to the school. Kyle Block, my interviewer, mesmerized me with the knowledge that he has been to over twenty countries because of CMC in the past four years. I want this kind of education. He also answered my question about if CMC is only looking for great leaders as possible freshman candidates, and he reassured me the school is looking for leadership potential. I am a leader, but I may not next president of the United States. However, after visiting the school, I could see myself becoming a person who has the kind of career potential. Essentially, I want to become a leader, I want to change the world somehow, and Claremont Mckenna has shown me they could be the building blocks for achieving my goals. This is why I want to go to Claremont Mckenna, because I full heartedly believe that the institution would be the dirt, water and sunlight that I need to grow my onion.