Undergraduate / Tell us about who you are - My growth as a person [3]

I would appreciate feedback on my essay answering the prompt:

Tell us about who you are.

How would your family, friends, and/or members of your community describe you?
If possible, please include something about yourself that you are most proud of and why. (maximum 1500 characters)

"Dedication is something I have always struggled with. As a child, I had all of the tools necessary to succeed in life but no determination to carry out any of my dreams. As my senior years of high school approached I started to struggle with the fact I have not accomplished much in my life. I had a lot of time to reflect and made the decision to put more effort into becoming something more.

Over the past couple of years, I have invested a lot of time into my academic career and my community. My friends and family noticed my dedication paying off as they saw my grades increase and would now confidently describe me as self-motivated and ambitious. On top of that, I wanted to push myself even more by taking on independent projects and to put myself into leadership roles. Through my new endeavors such as being an active member of the Royal Canadian Air Cadets, a part time employee at a retail pharmacy chain, and a volunteer for my city, I get credited as a leader and active contributor to my community. I am most proud of my growth as a person and specifically how I have changed my outlook on life and became someone that others see as a hardworking and inspiring individual. "

I've heard from a couple people that UBC likes it when you talk about something besides your grades so would it be ok if I briefly mentioned it in my essay in the context of my growth?