Posts by Exceptional

Exceptional

Dec 26, 2022

Writing Feedback / Life today is unhealthier than in the past century. Do you agree or disagree? (IELTS) [3]

Grammatical errors and wrong word usage
No defined thesis statement
The point in your paragraph three is not well structured, it's supposed to be a comparison. Beginning with 'while' instead of 'then' could be helpful.

The points are there but you need to structure them accurately in a more concise manner that directly responds to the prompt.

Exceptional

Dec 20, 2022

Writing Feedback / Advantages of reading books [4]

You could proofread with a grammar checker online to frame your sentence structure correctly.
Would also suggest paragraphing your content in the order:

Your introduction :
-Thesis(main point of your essay)
-Organizational statement(sentence leading to the body of your essay)

The body(repeat as many times as needed for each body paragraph)
-topic sentence
-topic/point analysis
-link to thesis

Your conclusion
-Sum up your major points captured in your body
-Link to your thesis
-Final thoughts

Hope this helps!

Exceptional

Dec 18, 2022

Scholarship / NTU Scholarship Essay - Personal Importance - Belief systems [3]

Thank you for kindly reviewing my essay.
It's actually a 300 word limit essay but after writing, figured it rounded off to 400 words..
I don't know what to take out anymore.
Don't know if I'll be penalized.
Deadline is close and I'm considering submitting it that way.
Any advice or help?
Thank you.

BELIEF SYSTEMS

As my life unfolds in varying phases, I have come to realize that we all view the world through the lens of our experiences, lenses unique to us-a mental depiction of our ever-evolving perceptions stemming from the collective conception of all our beliefs.

The quality of our beliefs, derived from our experiences and external factors such as society, culture, religion, et cetera, shapes our worldview, be it optimistic or pessimistic, which consequently sets the stage for the progression, circumspection, or retrogression of various aspects of our lives.

Growing up in a pessimistic society had a negative impact on my belief system, as the prevalent belief for attaining success is mostly tied to the measure of one's wealth, status, or network, downplaying intellectualism and creativity and preventing the poor from ascending the social ladder.

Realizing the status quo and my precarious socioeconomic standing, my view was constrained from conceptualizing the possibility of my success; as Dr. Myles Munro so elegantly puts it, "we cannot truly live beyond the confinement of our beliefs." Relinquishing hope, I settled for mediocrity.

However, the turning point in my life began in middle school, as I witnessed the cost of my education skyrocket and watched my parents fight tooth and nail to pay dearly for it. Being fully aware of the weight of their sacrifice, it cut right to my heart to know that I wasn't performing well academically, not balancing the scale as it ought to be from my end.

This realization impelled me to challenge the precise ideologies underlying my subpar performances, which prompted me to adopt new and more productive ways of thinking, resulting in a shift in my paradigm to an upbeat perspective. Embracing this new frame of mind, I resolved to push past the confinement of mediocrity I had imposed on myself.

Motivated, I nurtured discipline as a habit, which I extensively implored in my studies, pulling multiple all-nighters, which did pay off with me topping the class all through my high school years and eventually

emerging as the best graduating student overall.
This was a defining moment in my life as I came to appreciate the significance of beliefs and their influence on our behavior, which in turn determines our destination.

One could almost say that our lives will inevitably play out in the direction of our beliefs, for what we believe, we most likely become.