kesky101
Feb 12, 2023
Writing Feedback / Even though governments have worked hard to bring about improvements in the healthcare system [2]
Hi. I'm new to task 2 and don't know my current band score. Please help me correct my writing and rate my band score if possible. Thanks!
Even though governments have worked hard to bring about improvements in the healthcare system, the overall standard of physical health in developed countries is decreasing.
There is an urgent problem with the decreasing overall health in developed nations even though governments have invested significant money into healthcare services. Habits of food consumption and lack of physical activities in developed countries must be the main reason, and in the long term, some effects such as shortages in the national budget and workforce may happen.
The first reason for the lower quality of citizens' health is the food that they intake. Unlike in some developing countries where they consume food that is healthy and low in calories, people from rich countries regularly consume processed food which contains a lot of sugar and oil. Therefore, causing many illnesses such as diabetes and high blood sugar. For example, America is the richest country in the world and also has the highest rate of diabetes. Another crucial reason is the lack of physical activity in developed nations. As life gets more advanced and more comfortable, people often seek entertainment through digital devices and they got hooked on it, resulting in less time for other activities such as working out.
In return, if the governments continue to spend lots and lots of money to improve the healthcare service, the national budget will be in a shortage. The cost of medical research and medical support to advance the level of the healthcare system is highly significant. Hence, the cost will add up and in a long time can damage the national budget, leading to struggles in the operational activities of the nation. Another effect is the lack of employees in the workforce. This is because as the overall health of a nation degrades, people can not focus on their profession but instead waste their time and money on treating their health. As a result, there will be a fall in the supply of the human resource.
In conclusion, although governments had put a lot of work in develop the healthcare system, habits of food intake and lack of exercise in developed countries result in degrading health, and in long term can cause many problems to the national budget and the supply of workforce.
Hi. I'm new to task 2 and don't know my current band score. Please help me correct my writing and rate my band score if possible. Thanks!
Even though governments have worked hard to bring about improvements in the healthcare system, the overall standard of physical health in developed countries is decreasing.
What are the potential reasons for this, and what are "Some of the long-term effects?
There is an urgent problem with the decreasing overall health in developed nations even though governments have invested significant money into healthcare services. Habits of food consumption and lack of physical activities in developed countries must be the main reason, and in the long term, some effects such as shortages in the national budget and workforce may happen.
The first reason for the lower quality of citizens' health is the food that they intake. Unlike in some developing countries where they consume food that is healthy and low in calories, people from rich countries regularly consume processed food which contains a lot of sugar and oil. Therefore, causing many illnesses such as diabetes and high blood sugar. For example, America is the richest country in the world and also has the highest rate of diabetes. Another crucial reason is the lack of physical activity in developed nations. As life gets more advanced and more comfortable, people often seek entertainment through digital devices and they got hooked on it, resulting in less time for other activities such as working out.
In return, if the governments continue to spend lots and lots of money to improve the healthcare service, the national budget will be in a shortage. The cost of medical research and medical support to advance the level of the healthcare system is highly significant. Hence, the cost will add up and in a long time can damage the national budget, leading to struggles in the operational activities of the nation. Another effect is the lack of employees in the workforce. This is because as the overall health of a nation degrades, people can not focus on their profession but instead waste their time and money on treating their health. As a result, there will be a fall in the supply of the human resource.
In conclusion, although governments had put a lot of work in develop the healthcare system, habits of food intake and lack of exercise in developed countries result in degrading health, and in long term can cause many problems to the national budget and the supply of workforce.
