Undergraduate / BU and Yale essay: 3 characteristics (assertiveness, creativeness, and charisma) [5]

Why don't you specify on each of three characteristics?
I think this essay itself is too vague to grasp the idea of who you are...

I read, and re-read
but I don't still have your image in my imagination.
I don't think the admission officers want this too

Undergraduate / "got a call announcing that I had the job" - common app short answer-activity [10]

Wow, all these comments were awesome!
I just re-worded the whole essay ..
I wanted to convey more specific ideas like you guys pointed out but it was really tough, mainly because of the word limit(150 words). This essay now has 154 words- any ideas how to shorten it?

Re-written essay :

"Hello? You're the one we've been looking for. Can you start working from tomorrow?"

One day, an idea of getting a job at a cafe struck me. I thought that it would be great to make money and learn to make coffee, at the same time. Unfortunately, every franchise cafe turned out to have set the minimum age of employees at 18. Unwilling to give up my ambitions because of age, I chose not to acquiesce. Instead, I dropped by every cafe in the town with copies of my resume and expounded upon the irrationality of age barrier; I kept on explaining that I was responsible enough, and physically no weaker than ordinary 18-year-olds. Finally, my hard work did pay off. One of the coffeeshops decided to repeal the age policy, and hired me. By simply not giving in, I was able to reshape a small part of the world, at age of sixteen.

Thank you again!