Undergraduate / College essay: what confuses you most in life, and why? [3]

I know I need to polish this up, but I was hoping for some input!

What confuses you most in life, and why?

Everyone has their own opinion on where we go after death, based on their own wants, needs, and beliefs. A feeling of self-assurance and relief sets throughout me when I think about being given a chance at eternal recurrence. This could be an explanation for where our souls and memories go - déjŕ vu. I have a hard time thinking about all of this. Even though I get so caught up, I continue to imagine all the different possibilities. My mind usually starts spinning from all the unknowns.

One thing that sends shivers down my spine is that my mom frequently says she believes that her Gram was resurrected back in to me. I don't understand how this could be possible for several reasons. The two major being: I feel like I would instinctively be aware of the fact; and scientifically, the population would be consistent.

With the population rapidly increasing, this gives my belief of eternal recurrence a weak backbone, but doesn't keep me from believing. I've always been one to have faith in what I want to believe in and not what is necessarily right. For example, I believed in Santa Claus until I was fourteen.

In spite of that, this topic still confuses me. I've always liked to have some kind of reasoning behind my beliefs. I realize no one has all the answers, but I feel that just because a theory has been scientifically proven doesn't necessarily make it true. We are just tiny beings in a massive universe full of unknowns. Sometimes we're left to write our own stories.

Concluding to this, brings peace to my mind. Everyone wishes they could turn back time every once in awhile. Maybe to make right a wrong, take a chance they did not, or just relive a special moment. Either way, eternal recurrence allows this, and that's why I love the thought of it. It reminds me not to hold grudges, and that I'll be given another chance at life.

Second chances are precious and rare. During life, they aren't given as often as they should be. Many people live with regret, which can often times be overwhelming. Take Macbeth for example. Lady Macbeth couldn't live with the guilt and regret of her and Macbeth's crimes, so she commits suicide. As saddening as it is, this happens in our everyday life.

Death is one thing most everyone is dreadful and fearful of. Especially me. However, eternal recurrence makes me think positively, and not be as frightened about death. There may not be any proof to the theory, but sometimes you just have to go with your cut feeling. I feel it makes me emotionally healthier, and a better person. Subconsciously I know that I'll be given another chance at life, so I try not to be as hard on myself. Not in the sense of working hard, but not feeling regret for things that can't be fixed, and not holding grudges. Everyone deserves a second chance.