Posts by aye123456 [Suspended]

aye123456

Jul 11, 2023

Writing Feedback / Task 1: Line graph: the usage of oil in four different countries from 1966 to 2006 [5]

To be honest I'm not too good at task 1 but I think you can use "surpass" to compare between the Iceland and Turkey in the Overall part, make more sense, right!

However i have learnt a lot from yours!:))))

aye123456

Jul 11, 2023

Writing Feedback / Writing IELTS task1: how elderly people in the United States spent their free time [4]

The graph below shows how elderly people in the United States spent their free time between 1980 and 2010.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph given compares the US elderly citizens in terms of their unwinding activies divided into 5 sectors from 1980 to 2010

Overall, while the numbers of internet users and hikers saw the noticeable increase throughout the surveyed period, the rest experienced erratic behaviors with varied trends. What stands out from the chart is the dominance of watching TV in the beginning of the period, which was surpassed by hiking in 2010.

Specifically, watching TV was the most preferable choice for the elder to spend their spare time in 1980, with 60% of the total, follwed by 50% and 30% respectively of who attended theatre and read book at the same time. Subsequently, while the percentage of TV watcher topped out at 70% in 2000 before a dip from that time onwards, the figures for old theatre attendees and reader recorded a fluctuation around 20% to 60%

Turning to the other figures, commencing with under 10% of the elderly surfing the Internet at their free time in 1980, that rate saw a marginal rise to about 15% prior to a over threefold jump at 50% in 2010. The period of 30 years between 1980 and 2010 revealed a continual growth in hiking group from 20% to 80%, which was the highest at the end of the period.

aye123456

Jul 10, 2023

Writing Feedback / The chart below gives information about the revenue of a&v tech company from 2000 to 2004 [3]

hi! I think your sentence "The cameras underwent marginal growth, finishing at nearly $4 million at the end of the period, whereas the smartphones gradually decreased to less than $3 million." may be more detailed if changed into "The cameras underwent marginal growth in the revenue, finishing at nearly $4 million at the end of the period, whereas that of the smartphones gradually decreased to less than $3 million."

aye123456

Jul 10, 2023

Writing Feedback / It is better for college students to live in schools than to live at home with their parents [3]

i am not so good at the idea so i will just point out some mistakes in your report i think you can rectify:
+ "but I lean towards living on the university campus, though." --> i think you can omit the "though" cause it's unnecessary
+ in paragraph 1, i think you should mention"students" before using "they" because it takes me a while to understand who you are talking to
+ "they don't have to suffer them themselves, " you should omit "them" here :>
+ " cause consequences include reliance and passivity" --> you should use "including" instead of "include"
+"to developing" uhm maybe you should recheck your report a little bit :)))
Hope you get your aim~~