Writing Feedback / BRAZILIAN EMIGRATION (essay for an exam) [3]

Hi, everyone!

I took an exam where I had to write a essay 35-45 lines long on this topic:

BRAZILIAN EMIGRATION: BRAZILIAN CULTURE TAKEN TO OTHER LANDS

Additionally, I had to address the following three issues in my essay, each of which was worth a certain number of points.
1. Emigration from Brazil in recent years; [5,00 points]

2. Cultural and linguistic exchange and gains generated by such emigration; [8,00 points]
3. Advantages of Brazilian emigration for host countries. [7,00 points]

In total, the essay was worth 20 points.

This was my essay:


The number of Brazilians leaving the country has grown considerably over the past decade. And even though the reasons for that are many and varied, one fact is clear: the emigration of Brazilians entails the emigration of Brazilian culture. In other words, whenever Brazilians venture into the world, they bring along their language, habits and worldviews, helping shape the society to which they move.

Challenges and hardships notwithstanding, many Brazilians have seen in other countries - notably developed ones - unique opportunities for better living conditions. Emigration rates, which saw a slowdown during the Covid-19 pandemic, have surged again. It should be noted, however, that a great deal of Brazilians, especially among youth, has increasingly moved out of the country with a view to returning soon. That is particularly true with regard to university students who are provided with financial aid to study abroad and then come back to apply all acquired knowledge and experience in the interest of Brazil's progress and development.

Irrespective of the reasons that drive Brazilians to move abroad, their frequent contact with people from a wide range of countries and backgrounds is a continuing source of cultural exchange. Aside from the promotion of Brazilian Portuguese and its several variants, which become known to more and more people, the presence of Brazilians in different parts of the world constitutes an opportunity to remove misconceptions about Brazil and reinforce the true cultural traits of its people. Additionally, the Brazilians who return usually come equipped with a solid understanding of other languages, as well as a clear view of government and societal practices, which can potentially make them better professionals and citizens. Thus, Brazilians' experiences abroad not only contribute to Brazil's prominence around the world, but also provides alternatives to problems that Brazilian society faces.

Moreover, the migration of Brazilians into other countries can highly benefit the host countries themselves. Although immigration is today a hotly debated issue, with advantages and drawbacks, it is believed that the benefits far outweigh the disadvantages. Specifically as regards Brazilian immigrants, most of them move abroad with the intent to study and work, even performing tasks that locals do not want to perform. Besides, such immigrants foster diversity in the communities that they are inserted in, which, as previously mentioned, can help do away with misconceptions and prejudices.

In conclusion, the promotion of Brazilian emigration, especially for study or work purposes, is beneficial to both Brazil and other countries. Despite issues that excessive immigration can cause, such as an overload on public services and the job market, in a globalized world, the exchange of culture and perspectives is not only desirable, but crucial, since the cooperation of countries depends on the relations between their peoples.

How's my essay? Considering all of this, which score do you think I should get?

Thank you very much!