Posts by viscaria

viscaria

May 29, 2024

Letters / Motivation Letter to Apply for Ministry of Foreign Affairs and International Cooperation Grants [3]

The 1st paragraph, you miss a dot (.) here "while pursuing my studies".

2nd paragraph, you listed some achievements, but you can use other ways to show they your real passions, by talk more about your most admirable achievement. This sentence is amazing "Our project achieved a remarkable result of predicting up to 90% of food waste."

Develop more about it "I envision transforming raw information into meaningful insights for business users." What benefit you will bring to the world after your study?

"Furthermore, I aspire to pursue a Ph.D. or secure a leading research position in the industry after completing my master's program.": i think this sentence is a bit general, so you should show more details in your future plan, ex: which companies you consider to apply; will you work in italy or somewhere else? You should show them in the most clear way.

"Italy's rich cultural heritage, scientific contributions, and world-class educational institutions make it an ideal destination for my studies." this sentence is also general, may be you can replace it by compared Italy opportunities with other countries?

I think the last 3 paragraphs is less convinced than the first 3 paragraphs.

Hope my feedback will help you! Please ignore my grammar errors.

viscaria

May 29, 2024

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 - technology imporoves communication and transport [3]

Hi, I just a student and i can just give you feedback about ideas development, and kinds of that (?); I'm still practicing writing and haven't taken IELTS before; but you can read my feedback and consider it. Please ignore my grammatical errors.

Introduction: I think in the introduction, you shouldn't write this sentence: "In this day and age, technology is..." because it isn't relevant to the topic and doesn't give you extra score band score in task 2, but if that sentence has any errors, it will lower you band score. And you should give reasons why pros outweight cons after you confirmed it "From my perspective,..." to address your main ideas you will write soon. By the way, i think that should write ALL about advantages, while both argue the opposite idea in both 2 BPs (body paragraphs). Because you confirmed that pros outweight cons.

The second paragraph should discuss about advantages, not to show technology consequences. But you wrote about bad sides, and in 3rd paragraph, you wrote about pros. So it's more like a balance view in overall, and it is contrast to your confirmation. If you want to do so, you can say that it has both sides, instead of firmly agree.

Third paragraph: i think it's great, since i am not good at high level vocabularies and grammar structure, i won't discuss about them.

Conclusion: "it can be accepted" should be replaced with stronger position, by confirming advantages. And the last sentence, it didn't suggest your firm opinion, in contrast to your intro " it can be clear that..."

That's all, i can't give you any more evaluation about different things. However, you should keep going and improve your writing. Good luck.

If you guys have any feedbacks, please feel free. But please don't comment so harsh.
(I learn about that stuff from IELTS Advantage youtube channel)

viscaria

May 29, 2024

Student Talk / Practice doesn't make perfect and Can Adult learn a second language: - Survey [18]

I think practice only makes it perfect when you practice it in the correct way, so it will develop further more in the future. But if you follow wrong methods, practice will just useless.

Adults can learn new language, but it costs more time than youngsters, but you can see the former president Ho Chi Minh as a prime example, he could learn many foreign languages

viscaria

May 29, 2024

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 - Fast food should be taxed or not? Do you agree or disagree? [3]

Topic: In some countries, many people suffer from health problems due to eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. Do you agree or disagree?

Hello everyone, I've just written this essay and hope someone can give me feedbacks and sample band score. Thank you so much for your help!

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In many countries, people's health is at risk because of eating too much junk food; therefore, it is necessary that governments should impose a higher tax on this kind of food. I firmly agree with this idea because levying a higher rate of tax on fast food will limit the customers' consumption and money from taxing can also be invested in nutrition's education.

Firstly, imposing a more expansive tariff on fast-food industry will reduce in general customers' consumptions. This is because the more expansive the tax is, the higher product cost is, and leading to fewer people be able to pay for this meal. Instead of buying fast food, people will buy much cheaper foods but containing higher nutritional values, like fishes, vegetables and meats. For example, Vietnam government has already imposed high taxes on fast-food industry. Therefore, from 2010 to 2024, fewer children and adults eat junk food than ever, and the public's health is improving in a positive trend.

Secondly, money from junk-food's taxes can use in a more meaningful way, such as raising awareness about nutrition. Most people eat junk food because of its convenience and addicted favor; so they care less about its nutritional values, long-term health's consequences and suffer health's risks later in life. However, this trigger issue can be solve if governments use money from imposing fast-food industry's taxes to educate people about nutrition and the risk when they consume fast food regularly. For instance, many schools in Vietnam have already taught children about what kind of food they should eat and what shouldn't. Therefore, many children have given up take-away foods, by choosing healthier options instead.

In conclusion, I totally agree that junk food should be levied a higher tax to reduce the amount of consumption and raise people's awareness about nutritional values to improve everyone's health.