Undergraduate / Finance and Business - UT Austin Transfer essay/Statement of Purpose [3]

Hello! I'm currently wanting to transfer to UT Austin and I need someone to look over my paper for me, I'm open and happy to take any comments, Thank you so much!
prompt:The statement of purpose will provide an opportunity to explain any extenuating circumstances that you feel could add value to your application. You may also want to explain unique aspects of your academic background or valued experiences you may have had that relate to your academic discipline. The statement of purpose is not meant to be a listing of accomplishments in high school or a record of your participation in school-related activities. Rather, this is your opportunity to address the admissions committee directly and to let us know more about you as an individual, in a manner that your transcripts and other application information cannot convey.

If you had asked me 5 years ago what a discounted cash flow model or a leveraged buyout was, I would have thought you were making up words. My interest in business first bloomed during my last 2 years of high school, when I had the opportunity to be part of a start-up, and also intern at a private equity firm. What intrigued me most was to see how a business actually operates, as well as the necessary grind work done on both sides. I scratched the surface of seeing what finance really was and I craved more. It opened my eyes to a path I started to dream about-a career in investment banking. Although these unique experiences exposed me to something bigger, I did not push myself when it mattered most in the college application process, ultimately forcing me to momentarily let go of my dream.

At the end of the year, I chose to major in Finance at the University of Arkansas by process of elimination. Attracted by the less competitive nature and vibrant social scene, I thought that by coming here I could forget about my mistakes by moving on to a bleak lifestyle of partying and ignorance.

In June, I found myself in a period of deep reflection, after a complicated jaw surgery left me in prolonged recovery. Aside from the physical pain, mental battles against myself left me at a low point. I found solace and inspiration through motivational speeches and videos by David Goggins. His messages about resilience and personal growth resonated deeply with me, and forced me to confront this feeling of disappointment inside of me. I could have been a statistic- another Mexican immigrant who turned to street life or drugs- but I wanted to challenge the expectations placed on me and pursue a different path. At that point, I decided to revive my dreams of being an investment banker.

Despite my best efforts to participate in extracurriculars and excel in academia, I do not feel that Arkansas can take me to the finish line. The course rigor does not give me the mental stimulation I had in high school, and the opportunities around banking are limited. In addition, the high cost of attendance is becoming a burden on me and my family. Through my involvement in clubs and student organizations here at Arkansas, I have participated in equity research and portfolio management, which has also allowed me to receive valuable mentorship from older finance students and experienced professionals. However, it has become clear that to reach firms like Morgan Stanley or Goldman Sachs, I need access to a community that shares my passionate drive and has the necessary resources to guide me on the right path.

With this understanding, I am eager to transfer to UT Austin-a place where I believe I can finally fulfill the potential I know I have. Firstly, my eligibility for the Texas Advance Commitment initiative will provide critical support to lift financial burdens. I am also keen on joining organizations like the Texas Equity Group, the Texas Finance Team, or the New York For McCombs initiative. By joining these pipeline programs, I plan to build on my experience in real investments and financial modeling, gaining practical knowledge that will prepare me for future roles at top firms. The competitive nature of the McCombs community, coupled with its renowned resources and extensive alumni network is exactly what I need to make it to bulge bracket investment banks.

As a native Austinite, I have always felt a lingering connection to the Longhorn community, and attending UT Austin gives me the chance to achieve something greater that extends beyond the business school or my career -making a real difference. I want my journey at UT to be a stepping stone to build financial freedom, create a legacy for my family, and inspire kids like me to break free from their restrictions set upon them.