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Oct 20, 2024
Undergraduate / "Fascination with Architecture"- CommonApp Personal Statement Rough Draft [2]
Hello! I am struggling to formulate a strong personal essay and choose a central focus to best showcase myself for competitive colleges / universities. This is a very very rough draft (~100 words over the CommonApp limit, poor grammar and transitions); there are bits I can certainly eject. I could use all the help and criticism I could get. Thank you!
General Prompt: Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you've already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design. (650 words maximum)
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I was limited to an hour a day of screen time during middle school. I spent those 60 minutes watching one episode a day of the documentary series The World's Most Extraordinary Homes on Netflix following the perspective of an architect and avid traveler exploring the most unprecedented homes across the globe. The buildings' design gives an insight into the creators' mind processes and personal experiences. Watching this series first ignited my interest in architecture, which I view as a realm of unlimited possibilities and how little it can be controlled in response to its restrictive environments. After finishing the 12-episode series, I watched it again to savor my initial fascination for the next several months.
I first gained internet access on the family computer and took this opportunity to browse many websites. My internet fluency was vital in keeping me entertained and educated during boredom. Efficiently navigating sites like YouTube allowed me to teach myself new skills, such as how to knit and rainbow loom. I pushed myself to learn how to touch type-typing without looking at the keyboard-to further my surfing efficiency. Learning this skill aids my day-to-day life, and this onset exposure has prepared me for future tasks.
One night, my father handed me the book Are We Human?, a quote resonated deeply: "Design is what you are standing on. It is what holds you up. And every layer of design rests on another and another and another." This quote revolutionized my view of design forever. Design is a tool that can be used to move forward.
In the summer of 2022, my mother and I were blessed to visit our home country (redacted). To travel there, we had to stop at Dubai, a Middle Eastern city known for its luxury, breathtaking beaches, and, most importantly, hosting the world's tallest skyscraper, the Burj Khalifa. I insisted we extend our layover time in Dubai on the flight home to venture outside the airport and experience the building in all its glory. A month and a half later, we landed in Dubai with 22 hours to spare until our next flight back to the United States. The airport was massive, but I was determined to locate and witness the Burj Khalifa with my own eyes. Stepping outside, the world's tallest skyscraper towered over everything. Even though the sun had succumbed hours prior, the skyscraper dominated the night sky, its peak piercing into the heavens above. Around me, several other tourists stared at the building in awe; at that moment, I knew I wanted to elicit those same reactions to my designs.
At age 14, I discovered the Roblox game Welcome to Bloxburg, which focuses on the city of Bloxburg, where the residents (players) work simulated jobs that make up the infrastructure. Additionally, players own a plot of land to build their desired structures; this feature captivated me the most. Since the game was still in beta production, it cost 25 Robux for early access. After successfully acquiring the 25-cent equivalent from pleading it would benefit my education, my parents caved in and bought the game. Self-learning the mechanics of this game furthered my interest in blueprinting and design in career architecture.
I thought I was destined to become a sort of engineer. I found excitement in following instructions, building legos according to the booklet, and now assembling Arduino robots to follow its program. However, I expanded to a more encompassing career that also adhered to constraints but was more expressive. In my engineering courses, my teammates would focus on the functionality of a product while I took more care in the practicality and design aspects. Small details always drew my attention and sent personal attacks.
My school offers an Astronomy Club that I am President of. We boast a modest community of around twenty members. I seek to make every club meeting memorable and enjoyable. Perfecting the slideshows down to the border width and color scheme, I enjoy creating puzzle pieces that function harmoniously and bring people together. As a future architect, I will hold the tool of design in my belt to solve lingering social and economic problems worldwide, from creating spaces to accommodate people requiring different needs and efficiently facilitating a healthy community environment.
Hello! I am struggling to formulate a strong personal essay and choose a central focus to best showcase myself for competitive colleges / universities. This is a very very rough draft (~100 words over the CommonApp limit, poor grammar and transitions); there are bits I can certainly eject. I could use all the help and criticism I could get. Thank you!
General Prompt: Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you've already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design. (650 words maximum)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was limited to an hour a day of screen time during middle school. I spent those 60 minutes watching one episode a day of the documentary series The World's Most Extraordinary Homes on Netflix following the perspective of an architect and avid traveler exploring the most unprecedented homes across the globe. The buildings' design gives an insight into the creators' mind processes and personal experiences. Watching this series first ignited my interest in architecture, which I view as a realm of unlimited possibilities and how little it can be controlled in response to its restrictive environments. After finishing the 12-episode series, I watched it again to savor my initial fascination for the next several months.
I first gained internet access on the family computer and took this opportunity to browse many websites. My internet fluency was vital in keeping me entertained and educated during boredom. Efficiently navigating sites like YouTube allowed me to teach myself new skills, such as how to knit and rainbow loom. I pushed myself to learn how to touch type-typing without looking at the keyboard-to further my surfing efficiency. Learning this skill aids my day-to-day life, and this onset exposure has prepared me for future tasks.
One night, my father handed me the book Are We Human?, a quote resonated deeply: "Design is what you are standing on. It is what holds you up. And every layer of design rests on another and another and another." This quote revolutionized my view of design forever. Design is a tool that can be used to move forward.
In the summer of 2022, my mother and I were blessed to visit our home country (redacted). To travel there, we had to stop at Dubai, a Middle Eastern city known for its luxury, breathtaking beaches, and, most importantly, hosting the world's tallest skyscraper, the Burj Khalifa. I insisted we extend our layover time in Dubai on the flight home to venture outside the airport and experience the building in all its glory. A month and a half later, we landed in Dubai with 22 hours to spare until our next flight back to the United States. The airport was massive, but I was determined to locate and witness the Burj Khalifa with my own eyes. Stepping outside, the world's tallest skyscraper towered over everything. Even though the sun had succumbed hours prior, the skyscraper dominated the night sky, its peak piercing into the heavens above. Around me, several other tourists stared at the building in awe; at that moment, I knew I wanted to elicit those same reactions to my designs.
At age 14, I discovered the Roblox game Welcome to Bloxburg, which focuses on the city of Bloxburg, where the residents (players) work simulated jobs that make up the infrastructure. Additionally, players own a plot of land to build their desired structures; this feature captivated me the most. Since the game was still in beta production, it cost 25 Robux for early access. After successfully acquiring the 25-cent equivalent from pleading it would benefit my education, my parents caved in and bought the game. Self-learning the mechanics of this game furthered my interest in blueprinting and design in career architecture.
I thought I was destined to become a sort of engineer. I found excitement in following instructions, building legos according to the booklet, and now assembling Arduino robots to follow its program. However, I expanded to a more encompassing career that also adhered to constraints but was more expressive. In my engineering courses, my teammates would focus on the functionality of a product while I took more care in the practicality and design aspects. Small details always drew my attention and sent personal attacks.
My school offers an Astronomy Club that I am President of. We boast a modest community of around twenty members. I seek to make every club meeting memorable and enjoyable. Perfecting the slideshows down to the border width and color scheme, I enjoy creating puzzle pieces that function harmoniously and bring people together. As a future architect, I will hold the tool of design in my belt to solve lingering social and economic problems worldwide, from creating spaces to accommodate people requiring different needs and efficiently facilitating a healthy community environment.
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