Undergraduate / UC Prompt 2-Family Death [10]

Please read my essay and suggest any corrections. This is a first draft so i will have many errors. Please tell me if my essay does not sound good because i think it kinda sounds bad....

UC promt 2: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

I remember vividly that thick, black casket being carried up to the front of the pulpit. I remember feeling the hard, smooth texture of it as I approached in fear. I could feel shivers run down my hands and up my spine sending messages of fear into my mind. As I peered into that black box, it felt as if I was being sucked into a vortex of abyss-what could make a black box so fearful? As I peered over the crimson edges of the box, I saw what I least wanted to see-the body of my uncle. A sad smile seemed to brush across his face as I closed my eyes in fear. I remembered then, exactly who took my uncle's last breath away. It was not a who, but a what-that ruthless disease which took the lives of thousands of coal miners during the Industrial Revolution, took my uncle as well.

Surprisingly, it was neither pity nor sadness that first enveloped me as I reflected upon his death. It was that last expression that seemed to continually probe me-whenever I thought of my uncle, I could only see that sad smile on his face. Little did I know that his death would be a milestone in my life, an experience that has shaped my dreams and aspirations. As I have seen many deaths before, his was the first to really bring forth my interest in medicine. I began to really dig deeper into the cause of my uncle's death. I learned that he passed away from Lung Cancer, as he was a heavy, chronic smoker. I remember my family would visit the hospital on a monthly basis as he went through treatment for about a year and a half. The doctors claimed that they had done the best they could, but that death was inevitable as there were no cures for cancer. I began to question his death, almost like questioning the obvious-exactly what was the purpose of medicine then if he was eventually going to die? Was it only just to cure illnesses, or was it something more? It was then that I truly began to scratch the surface and dig deeper. I realized through my high school years, as I would go on medical mission trips to Mexico, that the true purpose of medicine is the purpose of life: to show the willingness to show compassion and the will to help others. I realized then that the roots of medicine stems from human relationships, that medicine is somewhat like another language, conveying our affection for someone other than oneself. Although the famous psychologist Sigmund Freud said that all human beings by nature are selfish beings, I realized that we can show compassion to others, fulfilling our roles life. In another words, medicine shows the brighter sides of human nature, that we can be a people of compassion. This discovery is what I take pride in as it describes who I want to become, and continues to fuel my dreams of medicine today and will continue to do so. My goal in life is to become a Pharmacist and eventually use my knowledge to help others around the world through a renowned organization known as Compassion.

Word count: 544