wyl_steven
Nov 29, 2009
Writing Feedback / I can not arcoss the gap [2]
hello I am a student from China,I want to archive my goal that pass the IBT (toefl)
but I am failed.I want to know what the problem is ,such as writing. I have to admit my poor English,I do my best and it for me is a gap not a tool for communicating.
the following is my essay,please point out where is my weakness
Topic :
It is generally agreed that society benefits from the work of its members. Compare the contributions of artists to society with the contributions of scientists to society. Which type of contribution do you think is valued more by your society? Give specific reasons to support your answer.
Twenty first century witnessed a world transformtion,with the development of the society,our lives are more enjoyable and convient than before.When we have a face to face talk through the Internet by computers.When we travle to abroad in less a one day.When we get the information by GPS when we drive in a strange city.I t is the development of science that really changed our lives.In my mind, I think that it is the contributions of scientists are more important to our society.
The first reanson that I want to put forward is that new inventions have made our lives more easier.Take the micro oven for instance.Compare to the past cooker,micro oven will make the food prepare in a less time ,which save us a lot of time.What is more,when we cook the meal by micro oven what we should do is put food in it and make the time the oven will work.That means we could to other things in the same time.Last compare to the old cooking, the micro oven provid us a free charge enviroment,with no fire smoke,we have a clean kitchen,and a good health.In a word, micro oven is an invention that has greatly changed our lives.
An other advantages can not be ignored is the development of internet.For example, in the past time, my mother commuciate with families who are live a far away from her has to write letters.When the families recived my mother's letter,it has past several days.What is more,my mother may worry about whether the letter will be lost.When our home connected with internet, my mother send the email just by clicked the button,and the letter will arrived in a second.What is more we can attached the sonud and video file attach to the email .which is make the life more enjoyable.
Last but not least. Our transportation has greatly changed by scientist.For example,when my father went to college,he had to walk to the town from the village he lived.And took the bus a day and night to go to city where the college located.Ten years past,when the people from the village that my father ever lived go to the same city.It just cost their three hours by train.
There is no denying that we have a more convient life without a countribution by scienctists.
Though, the artists have changed our culture by the development of art and painting and other subjects.Which also make our life diversity.When we got tired,we can read book,listen to the music.They all have influences on our minds and make the world colorfu.In my opinion,the scientists have made more contribution to our society when we take the advantages above into consideration
hello I am a student from China,I want to archive my goal that pass the IBT (toefl)
but I am failed.I want to know what the problem is ,such as writing. I have to admit my poor English,I do my best and it for me is a gap not a tool for communicating.
the following is my essay,please point out where is my weakness
Topic :
It is generally agreed that society benefits from the work of its members. Compare the contributions of artists to society with the contributions of scientists to society. Which type of contribution do you think is valued more by your society? Give specific reasons to support your answer.
Twenty first century witnessed a world transformtion,with the development of the society,our lives are more enjoyable and convient than before.When we have a face to face talk through the Internet by computers.When we travle to abroad in less a one day.When we get the information by GPS when we drive in a strange city.I t is the development of science that really changed our lives.In my mind, I think that it is the contributions of scientists are more important to our society.
The first reanson that I want to put forward is that new inventions have made our lives more easier.Take the micro oven for instance.Compare to the past cooker,micro oven will make the food prepare in a less time ,which save us a lot of time.What is more,when we cook the meal by micro oven what we should do is put food in it and make the time the oven will work.That means we could to other things in the same time.Last compare to the old cooking, the micro oven provid us a free charge enviroment,with no fire smoke,we have a clean kitchen,and a good health.In a word, micro oven is an invention that has greatly changed our lives.
An other advantages can not be ignored is the development of internet.For example, in the past time, my mother commuciate with families who are live a far away from her has to write letters.When the families recived my mother's letter,it has past several days.What is more,my mother may worry about whether the letter will be lost.When our home connected with internet, my mother send the email just by clicked the button,and the letter will arrived in a second.What is more we can attached the sonud and video file attach to the email .which is make the life more enjoyable.
Last but not least. Our transportation has greatly changed by scientist.For example,when my father went to college,he had to walk to the town from the village he lived.And took the bus a day and night to go to city where the college located.Ten years past,when the people from the village that my father ever lived go to the same city.It just cost their three hours by train.
There is no denying that we have a more convient life without a countribution by scienctists.
Though, the artists have changed our culture by the development of art and painting and other subjects.Which also make our life diversity.When we got tired,we can read book,listen to the music.They all have influences on our minds and make the world colorfu.In my opinion,the scientists have made more contribution to our society when we take the advantages above into consideration