ukraine2
Dec 8, 2009
Undergraduate / Experience, achievement - essay about losing weight- feedback [5]
This is my first draft. I'm looking for any feedback or suggestions. Thanks in advance.
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
Trapped inside a prison cell, I began to wonder whether I would ever get out. The bars enclosing me in, chains around my ankles, and constant ridicule were starting to get to me. I realized I had no future waiting around for a miracle to occur. I had to do something myself. I needed to break out.
This may have sounded like the plot to a new action movie, but this depicts the struggle that I had with losing weight. Ever since I was young, I was always overweight, but I never felt as though I was any less of a person because of this. Although, I dawned on me one day, when I could not keep up with everyone else on the basketball team, that I was missing something that the other kids had. The heart and determination were there, but I was scorned because I did not fit into the mold of the athletic type. I was trapped inside a cell of fat that I could not break out of.
After being ridiculed for my weight, my self-esteem started to drop, but I knew that I was a first-rate person inside and that was all that mattered to me. This kind of thinking kept me going until the seventh grade. This is when I had realized that I needed to lose weight. Everyone else was right, but I was not doing this for their reason of me being a better person if I lost weight. I was doing this to help myself in the future and ensure my health for years to come.
I began my plan to break out. At firs, pushing myself to exercise and diet became an unconquerable chore and I was not seeing any results. Debating whether to give up or not, I became inspired when my dad told me, "I'm proud of you for working so hard to get yourself healthy." After this I knew that I could not give up no matter what. For the next two years I worked tirelessly to get myself in shape. Slowly but surely I was witnessing a miracle before my eyes. I was accomplishing my goal. I lost the weight and became the person I always was, but now I was not afraid to show it.
It was tough, but I learned many things along the road to becoming fit. For the first time in my life, I had a new found confidence in everything I was doing. I learned to show off my talents without being embarrassed about what others thought, and most importantly I learned the value of hard work. I incorporated the values and habits that I formed into everything I did. I saw better results and was not afraid to fail when taking on new endeavors. I began to realize my true potential and was aware of the possibilities I had if I worked hard and persisted at any obstacle I faced.
This is my first draft. I'm looking for any feedback or suggestions. Thanks in advance.
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
Trapped inside a prison cell, I began to wonder whether I would ever get out. The bars enclosing me in, chains around my ankles, and constant ridicule were starting to get to me. I realized I had no future waiting around for a miracle to occur. I had to do something myself. I needed to break out.
This may have sounded like the plot to a new action movie, but this depicts the struggle that I had with losing weight. Ever since I was young, I was always overweight, but I never felt as though I was any less of a person because of this. Although, I dawned on me one day, when I could not keep up with everyone else on the basketball team, that I was missing something that the other kids had. The heart and determination were there, but I was scorned because I did not fit into the mold of the athletic type. I was trapped inside a cell of fat that I could not break out of.
After being ridiculed for my weight, my self-esteem started to drop, but I knew that I was a first-rate person inside and that was all that mattered to me. This kind of thinking kept me going until the seventh grade. This is when I had realized that I needed to lose weight. Everyone else was right, but I was not doing this for their reason of me being a better person if I lost weight. I was doing this to help myself in the future and ensure my health for years to come.
I began my plan to break out. At firs, pushing myself to exercise and diet became an unconquerable chore and I was not seeing any results. Debating whether to give up or not, I became inspired when my dad told me, "I'm proud of you for working so hard to get yourself healthy." After this I knew that I could not give up no matter what. For the next two years I worked tirelessly to get myself in shape. Slowly but surely I was witnessing a miracle before my eyes. I was accomplishing my goal. I lost the weight and became the person I always was, but now I was not afraid to show it.
It was tough, but I learned many things along the road to becoming fit. For the first time in my life, I had a new found confidence in everything I was doing. I learned to show off my talents without being embarrassed about what others thought, and most importantly I learned the value of hard work. I incorporated the values and habits that I formed into everything I did. I saw better results and was not afraid to fail when taking on new endeavors. I began to realize my true potential and was aware of the possibilities I had if I worked hard and persisted at any obstacle I faced.
