PetitPicpus
Dec 14, 2009
Undergraduate / "A book that changed the way you see the world" - Les Misérables Macaulay Honors [4]
Thank you! I felt that might be the case.
Thank you! I felt that might be the case.
PetitPicpus
Dec 13, 2009
Undergraduate / "A book that changed the way you see the world" - Les Misérables Macaulay Honors [4]
Tell us about a book, artwork, or lab experiment that changed the way you see the world. What was it about the work that affected you? How did your world become different?
The limit is 500 words, but I currently have 515. Any advice on how to whittle it down, or improve it in general?
Here is the draft:
There are certain works that extend beyond their time, written far enough in the past to seem of another world, yet that remain relevant to modern times; Les Misérables, by Victor Hugo, retains this relevance. In the preface, Hugo wrote: "So long as there shall exist... a social condemnation, which in the face of civilization, artificially creates hells on earth... so long as ignorance and misery remain on earth, books like this cannot be useless." Since I read Les Misérables, I have realized that the best of us are often hidden behind layers of upbringing and circumstance. I feel more aware of the world, more able to see the plights of its people; it is like looking through a new lens. What you knew was there before you can now see with clarity.
Les Misérables is translated variously as The Miserable Ones, The Wretched Poor, The Victims. The book's reason and emotion for me is in these wretched ones, students, prostitutes, convicts and factory workers, and their stories of redemption, revolution, purity and corruption. They are considered riffraff or vagabonds by the upright majority, but are capable of more morality and humanity than those who dismiss them.
Jean Valjean is central to this idea, in his journey from convict to honest mayor of Montreuil-sur-Mer. When he reveals his true identity to save another former convict from false accusations, the people denounce him and see only the trappings of his past circumstances. Too easily we condemn those who have wronged, and leave them to rot. I can now see that those at the floor of our society, or beneath it, can be wrongly placed in those hells on earth by societal blindness.
It has always seemed that those who have enough power over people to throw them to that floor, are by the nature of that power terribly corruptible. Les Misérables has shown me that there are exceptions. The book begins with the Bishop Myriel, based on an actual bishop of Digne. They are both admiral figures who defy the corruption bishops possessed during the time period.
After his ordination, Bishop Myriel moved out of his episcopal palace and converted it into a hospital, keeping only a tenth of his income - but his final act was his greatest kindness. He took Valjean in for a night and discovered that his precious silver was stolen - not knowing that during the night Valjean had also come within inches of cleaving the bishop's skull. Valjean is brought before the bishop by gendarmes, and the bishop tells them that he gave the silver to Valjean. The shock to Valjean's system was visceral to me as I read, with an indescribable power. This act of forgiveness changed Jean Valjean forever, and led him on toward redemption.
There are points in our lives that are cruxes for the rest, as that was for Valjean, which can be altered by only a few words. Les Miserables has shown the dangers and redemption possible in these formative moments, and has both cautioned and spurred me on to face these with fervor.
Tell us about a book, artwork, or lab experiment that changed the way you see the world. What was it about the work that affected you? How did your world become different?
The limit is 500 words, but I currently have 515. Any advice on how to whittle it down, or improve it in general?
Here is the draft:
There are certain works that extend beyond their time, written far enough in the past to seem of another world, yet that remain relevant to modern times; Les Misérables, by Victor Hugo, retains this relevance. In the preface, Hugo wrote: "So long as there shall exist... a social condemnation, which in the face of civilization, artificially creates hells on earth... so long as ignorance and misery remain on earth, books like this cannot be useless." Since I read Les Misérables, I have realized that the best of us are often hidden behind layers of upbringing and circumstance. I feel more aware of the world, more able to see the plights of its people; it is like looking through a new lens. What you knew was there before you can now see with clarity.
Les Misérables is translated variously as The Miserable Ones, The Wretched Poor, The Victims. The book's reason and emotion for me is in these wretched ones, students, prostitutes, convicts and factory workers, and their stories of redemption, revolution, purity and corruption. They are considered riffraff or vagabonds by the upright majority, but are capable of more morality and humanity than those who dismiss them.
Jean Valjean is central to this idea, in his journey from convict to honest mayor of Montreuil-sur-Mer. When he reveals his true identity to save another former convict from false accusations, the people denounce him and see only the trappings of his past circumstances. Too easily we condemn those who have wronged, and leave them to rot. I can now see that those at the floor of our society, or beneath it, can be wrongly placed in those hells on earth by societal blindness.
It has always seemed that those who have enough power over people to throw them to that floor, are by the nature of that power terribly corruptible. Les Misérables has shown me that there are exceptions. The book begins with the Bishop Myriel, based on an actual bishop of Digne. They are both admiral figures who defy the corruption bishops possessed during the time period.
After his ordination, Bishop Myriel moved out of his episcopal palace and converted it into a hospital, keeping only a tenth of his income - but his final act was his greatest kindness. He took Valjean in for a night and discovered that his precious silver was stolen - not knowing that during the night Valjean had also come within inches of cleaving the bishop's skull. Valjean is brought before the bishop by gendarmes, and the bishop tells them that he gave the silver to Valjean. The shock to Valjean's system was visceral to me as I read, with an indescribable power. This act of forgiveness changed Jean Valjean forever, and led him on toward redemption.
There are points in our lives that are cruxes for the rest, as that was for Valjean, which can be altered by only a few words. Les Miserables has shown the dangers and redemption possible in these formative moments, and has both cautioned and spurred me on to face these with fervor.
PetitPicpus
Dec 13, 2009
Undergraduate / Life is meaningful and unimaginable; Why Carnegie Mellon Business? [3]
A few suggestions:
"Life is but a dream." It is meaningful and unimaginable. Seventeen years and I have blossomed from a cute, precious little toddler into a young man with infinite dreams, some still from my childhood fantasies, some more realistic.Fortunately , during this intimate journey, I have experienced many unique activities that profoundly shaped my life. Just as a catalyst can stimulate a reaction, my love for competition and my desire to make an impact on society have precipitatedled me to choose business at Tepper School of Business at Carnegie Mellon University (CMU).
Business is pragmatic. Throughout my teenage years, I found myself capable of communicating with others, leadership and guidance, as well as ethics. This is a confusing sentence, try rewording it.
During my 12 years of swimming and proudly bringing Parsippany High School Swim Team to New Jersey States, I have understood perseverance and determination. From grueling 2-hour dryland practices with incessant bomber push-ups to sweat-laden swim practices, Iendure and find joyfind joy and endure . My goal as captain of the team is to create a zealous passion in all my swimmers, and to raise them even higher than their expectations. Not only am I competitive, but I now comprehend the definition of leadership and persistence. I have a hunger to succeed and to rise up.
Nevertheless, life does not always go according to plan. There have been times when I remove my goggles and realize that my opponent has out touched me by less than a tenth of a second.However , even if I fail, I realize that competition only drives excellence. With a small business class, I can compete and excel with my peers, and abundantly learn from the plethora of Nobel Laureates that teach at CMU. The cliché "'If at first you don't succeed, try, try again" truly is a monumental statement.I would not suggest any cliches Competition is ubiquitous and perseverance weeds out the winners from the losers and CMU will provide the education that will advance and prepare my future in the business world.
My Emergency Medical Squad experience presents me with knowledge and appreciation of life and society, strangers and friends alike. Consider rewording this sentence. Building bonds with the people that I normally would notingratiateDefinitely use a different word myself with truly reveals to me how much my society needs a caring hand. As my crew and I prepare the necessary equipment in the ambulance, we always anticipate for the worst because life can be instantaneous and unfathomable. Regardless , when we drop off the patient into the trauma entrance of the hospital, and he sincerely looks us in the eyes and says "thank you for saving my life", our heartbeats jump. Precious moments like these are worth living for each day. When I enter college, I still want to continue my act of volunteering and give back to community.
Why do I choose Carnegie Mellon? While I develop as a business major, I can grow even further through community involvement and social responsibility. The inimitable opportunity that awaits me is Tepper's Professional Service Project that allows me to use my talent, with my business proficiency, to engage and return to society through volunteerism. I can imagine myself ten years from now working to better the world through my profession. God has given me so much and I look forward to helping society.
This is a good essay, with only some minor problems. You use too many adverbs and adjectives at times, as the strength of an argument is carried by nouns and verbs.
A few suggestions:
"Life is but a dream." It is meaningful and unimaginable. Seventeen years and I have blossomed from a cute, precious little toddler into a young man with infinite dreams, some still from my childhood fantasies, some more realistic.
Business is pragmatic. Throughout my teenage years, I found myself capable of communicating with others, leadership and guidance, as well as ethics. This is a confusing sentence, try rewording it.
During my 12 years of swimming and proudly bringing Parsippany High School Swim Team to New Jersey States, I have understood perseverance and determination. From grueling 2-hour dryland practices with incessant bomber push-ups to sweat-laden swim practices, I
Nevertheless, life does not always go according to plan. There have been times when I remove my goggles and realize that my opponent has out touched me by less than a tenth of a second.
My Emergency Medical Squad experience presents me with knowledge and appreciation of life and society, strangers and friends alike. Consider rewording this sentence. Building bonds with the people that I normally would not
Why do I choose Carnegie Mellon? While I develop as a business major, I can grow even further through community involvement and social responsibility. The inimitable opportunity that awaits me is Tepper's Professional Service Project that allows me to use my talent, with my business proficiency, to engage and return to society through volunteerism. I can imagine myself ten years from now working to better the world through my profession. God has given me so much and I look forward to helping society.
This is a good essay, with only some minor problems. You use too many adverbs and adjectives at times, as the strength of an argument is carried by nouns and verbs.
PetitPicpus
Dec 13, 2009
Undergraduate / "Convey to the Reader a Sense of Who You Are" - Columbia and Common App Essay [3]
This is an essay I might use for Columbia and Common App, the prompt for Columbia is: 'write an essay which conveys to the reader a sense of who you are.' For Common App, it's 'choose a topic of your choice.' (500 word limit) History is my intended major.
The majority of life is lived in the moments, those small things, barely noticeable, which hold the greatest meaning. The sharp definition of the cloud formations off Lake Erie, or the soft words of thanks from a homeless man at the soup kitchen will stop me in my tracks. I have made it my aim to look for these, whether they be in persons, places, or things.
Whenever the chance arises, I sit down and play the piano. Whether playing Bach or Bartok, there is a connection I feel to the music, to the composer who put his or her life into the work. It is visceral, consuming my attention as I look to understand the development, the sweet dissonances and resolutions. The ability to play an instrument, for me, is perhaps the most freeing of any ability. I love the chance every Friday to drive out to Victoria's house, where I have my piano lessons. She is one of the kindest people I know. One day out of the blue, she gave me a book on classical composers, wrapped in sheet music with a handwritten letter noting my progress on top. When I talk with her about the range of music and its history, its eras and composers, there is always more to learn. We talk about composers' societies, their struggles and the sweeping force of history acting upon them.
Before music theory starts each day, I have the chance to play on the piano in the middle of the choir room, where I find solace before delving in to four part voice writing and harmonic dictations. The other day, I was malcontent that Mr. Nogowski's lecture on European History had come to an end, but playing brought everything back together for me. These two loves of mine, music and history, always transition into each other seamlessly. I feel the same connection to historical figures as I do to composers, as though I can imagine myself there.
When I learned about King Gustav Adolf's fateful cavalry charge into gunsmoke and fog on November 16, 1632, I was intrigued. He was the fulcrum on which rested the outcome of the Thirty Years' War, and with it the fate of Sweden and Central Europe. To think that this King of Sweden could have changed the entire course of history, but yet he was found dead with his body stripped just hours after the charge, seemed absurd. That such potential should be snuffed out so abruptly made me want to know more about his story and that of the Swedish empire; to study the multitude of small, local narratives, such as those of the soldiers and people of Germany and Sweden, alongside the grand narrative of the King himself. This is what history and music inevitably become for me: the little stories, with all of their inherent details. Each piece more that I know changes me and the way that I perceive all of world history, and I cherish it.
This is an essay I might use for Columbia and Common App, the prompt for Columbia is: 'write an essay which conveys to the reader a sense of who you are.' For Common App, it's 'choose a topic of your choice.' (500 word limit) History is my intended major.
The majority of life is lived in the moments, those small things, barely noticeable, which hold the greatest meaning. The sharp definition of the cloud formations off Lake Erie, or the soft words of thanks from a homeless man at the soup kitchen will stop me in my tracks. I have made it my aim to look for these, whether they be in persons, places, or things.
Whenever the chance arises, I sit down and play the piano. Whether playing Bach or Bartok, there is a connection I feel to the music, to the composer who put his or her life into the work. It is visceral, consuming my attention as I look to understand the development, the sweet dissonances and resolutions. The ability to play an instrument, for me, is perhaps the most freeing of any ability. I love the chance every Friday to drive out to Victoria's house, where I have my piano lessons. She is one of the kindest people I know. One day out of the blue, she gave me a book on classical composers, wrapped in sheet music with a handwritten letter noting my progress on top. When I talk with her about the range of music and its history, its eras and composers, there is always more to learn. We talk about composers' societies, their struggles and the sweeping force of history acting upon them.
Before music theory starts each day, I have the chance to play on the piano in the middle of the choir room, where I find solace before delving in to four part voice writing and harmonic dictations. The other day, I was malcontent that Mr. Nogowski's lecture on European History had come to an end, but playing brought everything back together for me. These two loves of mine, music and history, always transition into each other seamlessly. I feel the same connection to historical figures as I do to composers, as though I can imagine myself there.
When I learned about King Gustav Adolf's fateful cavalry charge into gunsmoke and fog on November 16, 1632, I was intrigued. He was the fulcrum on which rested the outcome of the Thirty Years' War, and with it the fate of Sweden and Central Europe. To think that this King of Sweden could have changed the entire course of history, but yet he was found dead with his body stripped just hours after the charge, seemed absurd. That such potential should be snuffed out so abruptly made me want to know more about his story and that of the Swedish empire; to study the multitude of small, local narratives, such as those of the soldiers and people of Germany and Sweden, alongside the grand narrative of the King himself. This is what history and music inevitably become for me: the little stories, with all of their inherent details. Each piece more that I know changes me and the way that I perceive all of world history, and I cherish it.