w43vaurz
Dec 26, 2009
Undergraduate / "the Victory Lap" - Common App: Elaborate on Extra Curricular Activity [8]
Thanks , i think i do like that better : )
Thanks , i think i do like that better : )
w43vaurz
Dec 21, 2009
Undergraduate / "the Victory Lap" - Common App: Elaborate on Extra Curricular Activity [8]
I changed it up a bit :
My exuberance (is it still too much? I wanted to start with something strong; enthusiasm sounded a bit bland) radiated from within as survivors took part in the Victory Lap.
Not only was I stunned by the number of lives affected by cancer, but I was absolutely astounded by the number of warriors who fought back in spite of the ominous (or should i use unfavorable?) odds.
I'm not so sure if i want to change the order of my sentences since I want to grab their attention and continue reading to find out more. Is that a good idea?
and THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP!! :)
I changed it up a bit :
My exuberance (is it still too much? I wanted to start with something strong; enthusiasm sounded a bit bland) radiated from within as survivors took part in the Victory Lap.
Not only was I stunned by the number of lives affected by cancer, but I was absolutely astounded by the number of warriors who fought back in spite of the ominous (or should i use unfavorable?) odds.
I'm not so sure if i want to change the order of my sentences since I want to grab their attention and continue reading to find out more. Is that a good idea?
and THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP!! :)
w43vaurz
Dec 20, 2009
Undergraduate / "the Victory Lap" - Common App: Elaborate on Extra Curricular Activity [8]
oh i see. I used them because they were apart of the SAT vocab list
But, I'll be sure to tone it down a bit!
THANK YOU FOR THE ADVICE! :]
(p.s. do essays need a title? I'm a bit confused on that fact. )
oh i see. I used them because they were apart of the SAT vocab list
But, I'll be sure to tone it down a bit!
THANK YOU FOR THE ADVICE! :]
(p.s. do essays need a title? I'm a bit confused on that fact. )
w43vaurz
Dec 20, 2009
Undergraduate / "the Victory Lap" - Common App: Elaborate on Extra Curricular Activity [8]
Hi,
Can someone help me edit my essay?
It's from the common app writing section that asks you to elaborate on an extracurricular activity
My ebullience radiated from within as survivors took part in the Victory Lap. This was the inauguration of our 12-hour community relay. For the past seven months, I held the position of Head of Finance on my school's Relay for Life Committee, directing fundraising activities and approving budgets. However, what was initially a yearning to make a difference in the community evolved into a voyage filled with awareness, teamwork, leadership and accomplishment. Not only was I stunned by the number of lives affected by cancer, but I was absolutely astounded by the number of warriors who fought back in spite of the ominous odds. Their courage was truly contagious for it became the foundation of my fund raising endeavors. $28,000 was raised with the help of the committee, who had now become a family with a shared desire - the desire to witness even more survivors at the next Victory Lap.
THANKK YOU!!!
Hi,
Can someone help me edit my essay?
It's from the common app writing section that asks you to elaborate on an extracurricular activity
My ebullience radiated from within as survivors took part in the Victory Lap. This was the inauguration of our 12-hour community relay. For the past seven months, I held the position of Head of Finance on my school's Relay for Life Committee, directing fundraising activities and approving budgets. However, what was initially a yearning to make a difference in the community evolved into a voyage filled with awareness, teamwork, leadership and accomplishment. Not only was I stunned by the number of lives affected by cancer, but I was absolutely astounded by the number of warriors who fought back in spite of the ominous odds. Their courage was truly contagious for it became the foundation of my fund raising endeavors. $28,000 was raised with the help of the committee, who had now become a family with a shared desire - the desire to witness even more survivors at the next Victory Lap.
THANKK YOU!!!
