Posts by insomnia

insomnia

Dec 27, 2009

Undergraduate / an excellent liberal arts education and the choice - Cornell CAS Essay [4]

The entire essay as a whole is fantastic, but I don't like the last paragraph. I think it'd be better merged with the second-to-last paragraph. Otherwise, it just kind of... well, hangs.

insomnia

Dec 24, 2009

Undergraduate / Johns Hopkins: Why an undecided major? essay [3]

The essay prompt is as such: (freshman applicants only): Johns Hopkins offers 50 majors across the schools of Arts and Sciences and Engineering. On this supplement, we ask you to identify one or two that you might like to pursue here. Why did you choose the way you did? If you are undecided, why didn't you choose? (If any past courses or academic experiences influenced your decision, you may include them in your essay.)

Savagely rip apart my essay. I'm open to as harsh criticism as you can give me. Thanks!

By writing this, I am stealing-stealing from countless languages, that is. After all, English is hardly what anyone could call an original language, having pilfered the majority of its words from other cultures and languages to create a mangled conglomeration of sounds and meanings. Souvenir? French. House? German. Algebra? Arabic. Misanthropy? Greek. None of these words we can call our own, and I love it that way.

Language has always been fascinating to me. Even as a child, I pondered English's structure and vocabulary, biding my time weighing questions like why we say "slept" instead of "sleep" when normally the past tense calls for "-ed." Learning vocabulary, usually a dreary task for most schoolchildren, was fun for me-I took joy out of breaking down newly acquired words into smaller words to ascertain the original meaning. A word like "awful," for instance, took on a whole new meaning when I considered it as full of awe rather than horrible. My pursuit of Latin only intensified this frenzied study of language as I discovered even more words could be broken down. The drastically different subject-object-verb structure of Latin prompted me to question English even more; why do we not formulate our sentences in the same way? What makes English English? Why is the capability for language so universal, but our languages so diverse?

Some might wonder, then, why I would express interest in a university known for science, rather than linguistic, pursuits like Johns Hopkins. Or, better yet, why I declare my major undecided rather than Romance Languages or Classics. For me, the study of language doesn't just stop at understanding the etymology of a word or the structure of a sentence. Language is science. In order to understand language, it is necessary to understand why language even exists. After all, every other organism gets along just fine without it. Why us? When did we acquire it? How? Why can't some people learn to speak? Why don't we all speak the same language? I cannot answer this with a mere knowledge of different languages. An understanding of biology, genetics, psychology and others are all tantamount to exploring these questions. I want the opportunity to feel out what sort of curriculum will best help me obtain this knowledge and prepare me for graduate school, and I know that Johns Hopkins can help me obtain this goal with its wide science curricula. Choosing a major now would be like assuming I was preparing to close my doors.

insomnia

Dec 24, 2009

Undergraduate / UVA Engineering Prompt- [4]

While your overall writing style is commendable, I didn't like the way the essay ended. It was very abrupt and I was left wondering, "Well, so what?" How does your stool apply to your life? I would be a little more general and blatant towards the end.

As far as the rest of the essay goes, though, I have to agree with Politik; you never once mention UVA. You could easily send this to any college with an engineering program and it'd carry the same weight.

Good luck!

insomnia

Dec 24, 2009

Undergraduate / "to light the way for my students" - Take a look at my "Why Northwestern?" [5]

I think your essay is well-written in terms of mechanics and has an inventive approach. However, I'm left feeling a little confused as to, really, why Northwestern. Plenty of schools boast easy access to teachers and strong academic curriculum, and it ends up sounding somewhat like a canned response. I would elaborate a lot more on what makes their education program in particular really good and so appealing to you. What kind of hands-on experience do they offer? How do the students fare after graduation?

On another note, I found the "No other activity was as fulfilling and satisfying to me as working with the students. It was my affection for teaching that led me to Northwestern University" to be kind of awkward and jumpy. I'd change it to: "No other activity was as fulfilling and satisfying to me as working with the students. So it was only natural that my affection for teaching led me to Northwestern University." Or something like that, at least; I think the sentence needs a transitional word or two to bridge the gap. Up to you.

Good luck :)

insomnia

Dec 24, 2009

Undergraduate / Common App short answer about theatre [5]

Thank you so much for your input! I revised it some, so I'm hoping it flows better this time in addition to addressing the concerns you listed above. Tear away for anyone who's interested :) Thanks again.

When people complained about how hard acting was, I always scoffed and dismissed their complaints. After all, I figured, how hard is it to read lines? Joining theatre in eleventh grade soundly smashed this perception; I went in thinking it'd be easy, but soon discovered that theatre is much more than just reciting lines. Actors must become their character, and thus being cognizant of how actors present themselves and empathizing with the character are a must. To this end, I had to throw away my characteristic demeanor--which I'd never given much thought to before--and mold it to a wide variety of situations and personalities, all while keeping in mind how the character would feel. Constantly thinking about how the character would feel and how I fit into the role undoubtedly made me more empathetic and better able to moderate how I came across in everyday life-no small feat at all.

insomnia

Dec 23, 2009

Undergraduate / Common App short answer about theatre [5]

Anyone mind telling me if this is a good topic/well-written? I'll be the happiest person in the world if you completely tear it apart. Thanks!

In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).

For both the winter and spring season of 11th grade, I participated in my school's theatre program. I'd never tried theatre before, and I went in thinking it'd be easy. After all, what's so hard about reading lines? I was pleasantly surprised that this was not so; theatre is much more than just reciting lines. Actors have to be cognizant of how they present themselves in a multitude of ways: body position, volume, position... I had to throw away my characteristic demeanor--which I'd never given much thought to before--and mold it to a fictional situation. Due to my newfound awareness of my self-presentation, I was now able to better moderate how I came across in general, such as my tendency to mumble or lean on one leg as opposed to both. Through imitating someone that wasn't real, I grasped a better hold on myself and how I came across to other people.