anonymoushelper
Dec 27, 2009
Undergraduate / JHU Supplement Essay - Why Writing Seminars? [6]
I love this essay!... Enough about what I like. I think what you want is critique.
Two things I noticed:
"Though I am young, I have already seen much that this world has to offer - I have already had my adventure. Now I wish to share that feeling with the world."
Do not say you have ALREADY HAD your adventure. Don't you want the admissions people to think you will enhance your imagination and creativity through even more adventures? In this part, I get the feeling of an old English teacher who is about to retire... or something.
Even though the metaphor in the last paragraph is awesome, it is ... slightly random. Do you think you can include something about the field in the beginning of the essay so that you can do a tie-around? I think it would make your essay more powerful.
Good job overall! I can't seem to find any grammar/spelling mistakes.
I love this essay!... Enough about what I like. I think what you want is critique.
Two things I noticed:
"Though I am young, I have already seen much that this world has to offer - I have already had my adventure. Now I wish to share that feeling with the world."
Do not say you have ALREADY HAD your adventure. Don't you want the admissions people to think you will enhance your imagination and creativity through even more adventures? In this part, I get the feeling of an old English teacher who is about to retire... or something.
Even though the metaphor in the last paragraph is awesome, it is ... slightly random. Do you think you can include something about the field in the beginning of the essay so that you can do a tie-around? I think it would make your essay more powerful.
Good job overall! I can't seem to find any grammar/spelling mistakes.
