Undergraduate / Whitman College Supplement: Diversity Through Experience. [5]

Hi Everyone. I was wondering if anyone could help critique my diversity essay. I appreciate any comments.

Prompt: Whitman College is committed to building and sustaining a diverse campus community. We believe a diversity of backgrounds and perspective enriches our community and enhances intellectual and personal growth. What is your concept of diversity, and what experiences ave you had that inform your thoughts? (350 word limit)

Response:

Having lived on Hawaii for seventeen years, it seems diversity stems from every corner. Growing up, I was raised in a traditional Chinese household. However, as much as the Chinese environment has shaped my personal life, a Western education, Hawaiian values, and the people I encountered have also influenced my growth. For me, the concept of diversity is similar to a DNA strand. ALl individuals, through their race behavior, socioeconomic background, and gender represent a DNA strand, each different from the next. OVer time, my experience with diversity has been quantified through the people I've met inside and outside of Hawaii.

During my elementary and middle school weekends, my time was spent inside my parents' restaurant doing homework. Usually, I worked independently because my parents could barely understand English. However, they continued to show incredible interest in my studies and pushed me to comprehend the material. Often, they asked that I read aloud to them and they assigned additional homework to evaluate my level of knowledge. It was my family and school teachers that influenced my work ethic and taught me the values of diligence and commitment.

Hawaiian values have also shaped my character. During junior year, I attended a youth program called Leadership Kauai. During one session, the hawaiian guest speaker, Puna Dawson, described her life in hawaii, highlighting the Hawaiian values of responsibility and community awareness. By attending Leadership Kauai, Dawson said we, the participants were all hawaiian because we had the desire to help the Hawaiian community progress. It was at Leadership Kauai where I obtained newfound desire to protect the environment from outside threats.

Outside of Hawaii, I attended summer medical programs and befriended an array of different students. I learned that each student had one unifying goal: to have a career in healthcare. At these programs, I gained knowledge from the guest speakers and the students.

After seventeen years of living, my accumulated knowledge creates my diversity. I've realized that each individual, although different in their experiences, all share common motives. Like a DNA strand, when combined with other strands, a living organism is created.

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NOTE: IM THINKING OF DELETING THE LAST SENTENCE BECAUSE THE WAY I PHRASE THE SENTENCE DOES NOT CONVEY WHAT I WANT TO SAY.

suggestions are widely accepted and appreciated. thanks!