Posts by bc2010

bc2010

Dec 30, 2009

Undergraduate / 'Back to Adam' - Vassar Supplement: Walking Backwards [12]

Oh, and I posted a second essay, so since your writing skills are so divine, I'd love for you to read it if you have a few minutes!

bc2010

Dec 30, 2009

Undergraduate / 'Back to Adam' - Vassar Supplement: Walking Backwards [12]

I agree when Shannon says you could add a little more about what aspect about the academics you're interested in at Vassar - of course that's what the admissions people really care about the most - and maybe a little less about Adam. The paragraph that begins with "I found myself immediately worried for Adam's health," could definitely be either shortened drastically, or entirely omitted. That makes me somewhat sad because I thought that was the funniest, lightest paragraph in your essay and that it would truly make your admissions officer laugh, but if you're really looking to maintain focus and succinctly address the question, deleting it probably has more pro's than con's. But honestly, other than that, I think this is still very well done!

Ah, and I also encourage you to read https://essayforum.com/undergraduate-admission-essays-2/vassar-supp lement-vassar-13876/

Although this is sort of like cheating, this is someone else's Vassar supplement from this website. You might want to look at it...it could be helpful - but not in a plagaristic way of course!

bc2010

Dec 30, 2009

Undergraduate / 'Back to Adam' - Vassar Supplement: Walking Backwards [12]

Your essay is amazing! Honestly, your writing style is sophisticated, your word choice is divine, and I really got a sense of who you are from your essay (even though that wasn't really the point), which is just great. You list numerous specifics about Vassar, answering the part of the prompt, "what aspects of our college do you find appealing?" and connect everything back to why you want to go there. I think you display a great amount of interest in the school and that's what every admissions person is looking for. So what its a little on the long side who cares. It's easy to get through because its light and funny. Great job!!!

Feel free to read mine! :)

bc2010

Dec 30, 2009

Undergraduate / Why I Want to Study History at George Washington University [2]

I'm writing this essay myself and here are my few, but I think helpful, comments:
You have all these specific facts about DC and GW which is GREAT because that's exactly what they want to hear. It shows you've put time into researching the school and the city and displays your interest.

You mention that you love history multiple times, and the reader will see the words and get it, but will want to know a little more...throw in a sentence or two about WHY you love history so much. Be passionate, be excited, make the reader really see how much you love the field.

Last - try to get some elevated style into your essay. The content is an A+ for sure but try to make your style and word choice a little more sophisticated and varied.

Good Job! Maybe I'll see you there next year!

bc2010

Dec 30, 2009

Undergraduate / The Type of Person You Are - William & Mary Supplement! [2]

This is the optional essay for William and Mary...I've revised it a bunch of times, but any extra revisions are always always appreciated!!!

Thank you!!!!

PROMPT: "Beyond your impressive academic credentials and extracurricular accomplishments, what else makes you unique and colorful? Provide us with some limited measure of your personality. We know that nobody fits neatly into 500 words or less, but you can provide us with some suggestion of The Type of Person You Are. Anything goes! Inspire us, impress us or just make us laugh. Think of this optional opportunity as Show and Tell by proxy and with an attitude."

All people are all unique and colorful, no two are the same - not even identical twins. So no matter how boring, no matter how dull, everyone has something that makes him or her different. What you're asking is, "In 500 words, what makes Brenna Curti unique?" Well, what does make me unique? This is an optional essay, and here I am doing it. Any opportunity is optional, but I jump at any opportunity that may broaden me as a person. What makes me unique is that my definition of the word optional has a meaning far from Webster's; in my dictionary, optional is synonymous with absolute.

Plenty of people are offered chances to do this, go here, see that, apply for this, and plenty of people turn all those chances down. Me? I never turn any enriching opportunity down. What makes me most unique is my fearless attitude towards opportunities, new experiences, and life itself. The try-anything-once attitude I have creates something like a vicious circle of uniqueness: Because I seize every opportunity given to me to do more and be more, I am unique, and all of those opportunities allow me to have new experiences that make me even more unique.

The average person turns down optional opportunities out of fear of rejection, or failure, or even embarrassment. Me? Okay sure, I'm afraid of those too, but I never allow those fears to keep me from anything progressive, and that makes me different. I refuse to miss out on a new experience because my fears held me back. I can act silly, put myself out there, and take that risk. But if I fail or get rejected, then so be it; I am the champion of the phrase pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and move on. My zeal and zest for life keep me willing to try any broadening experience once, separating me from my peers.

My outlook on life has allowed me to have many experiences and make many memories I would not have had if I let my fears hold me back. I auditioned for Pittsburgh Musical Theater, ran The Great Race, asked a boy to a school dance, tried out for the Intrepid Club Lacrosse Team, ran three times for Student Council office, participated in a Dance-a-Thon, and applied for the position of School Board Representative. Although most were successful, had I allowed my fears to dictate my actions, I would not have taken half of those optional risks. I take every chance I get to try something new, to meet new people, to reach new heights, and to make more of myself. What makes me unique is that I refuse to let an emotion keep me from doing something I want to do, no matter how optional it is.

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines optional as, "left to one's choice; not required or mandatory." The Brenna Curti Dictionary often defines the same word as, "compulsory; obligatory; must-be-done." Although Webster's definition is the more commonly accepted version, my definition of optional has taken me places in life I would have otherwise missed entirely. In a little over 500 words, I think this conveys what makes Brenna Curti unique.