jcmashi
Jan 1, 2010
Undergraduate / Cornell CALS essay: It started with an Oreo [5]
I think the transition between the second to last paragraph needs a little work.
I think the transition between the second to last paragraph needs a little work.
jcmashi
Jan 1, 2010
Undergraduate / pianists, music - Common App- Short Description of Activities [3]
In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)in 150 words
Ever since I was young, I have always been fascinated by pianists whose hands swiftly grace on the ivory keys. Their finger movements were like of spiders, moving up and down the piano with stealth; it was my cue to follow the path of music. I wanted to learn everything about the music and the magnificent instruments that I loved. I picked up my first violin when I was six and I struck the keys of a piano when I was four. Throughout the years, I developed my passion for music by auditioning for orchestras, playing at the school orchestra, volunteering at a retirement home, and leading the congregation at Northern Virginia Chinese Christian Church through piano playing. It is in the course of the ubiquitous music in my life that I was able to grow with fondness and in self confidence. Through music, I discovered my own spirit.
My answer was 149 words long. Can you check if there's any grammatical errors or missing ideas or errors?
Thank you so much! Criticism is much appreciated.
In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)in 150 words
Ever since I was young, I have always been fascinated by pianists whose hands swiftly grace on the ivory keys. Their finger movements were like of spiders, moving up and down the piano with stealth; it was my cue to follow the path of music. I wanted to learn everything about the music and the magnificent instruments that I loved. I picked up my first violin when I was six and I struck the keys of a piano when I was four. Throughout the years, I developed my passion for music by auditioning for orchestras, playing at the school orchestra, volunteering at a retirement home, and leading the congregation at Northern Virginia Chinese Christian Church through piano playing. It is in the course of the ubiquitous music in my life that I was able to grow with fondness and in self confidence. Through music, I discovered my own spirit.
My answer was 149 words long. Can you check if there's any grammatical errors or missing ideas or errors?
Thank you so much! Criticism is much appreciated.