Undergraduate / "The Path Begins at Pitzer" Personal Statement to Pitzer College [7]

wow! this is realllyyy good!!!
very well-written and articulated, i got a real sense of your personality and your goals in life. well done, i love how you tied it all together at the end.

some minor suggestions though:
-3rd paragraph: make a difference IN the lives
-8th paragraph: i dont think you need the comma after Pitzer students are sensitive
-8th paragraph: also maybe think about using some semicolons to make it less choppy? that might help it flow a little more, just a suggestion

hope that helps, good luck with your admissions! =D