Undergraduate / My parents' involvement with volunteering; Tufts- let your life speak [11]

You can try removing the parts of your essay where you list things your mom has done and also the countries your dad has visited. Although they are your inspiration you ismply just have to say that they were involved. The essay inst about them so you do not need to list what they have done.

I hope this helps!

Scholarship / Commonapp essay - Encounter a beggar [3]

"'Uncle, please help this old man.' The beggar stood in front of me, showed me his shivering bony hands and murmured." hbrad8002

You may wnat to reword the way you say this sentence because at first it seems as if you are saying this as the old man is standing in front of you.

"He took the motorbike out of the narrow door and said the beggar firmly 'Sorry uncle, we don't have any money here.'"

Is there any significance to why he is bringing out the motorbike?

Other than that the essay is wonderful! A great use of description, I could almost see the shivering old man in my head.

Could you please comment my essay?