Writing Feedback / Animal and music lover - NCSSM Essay #1 [7]

Hey guys! :) Ok so I think I have the body of my paper, I just need help with a good hook, intro, and conclusion paragraph. Any critique is very welcome! If you could help I'd really appreciate it! :)

The topic is: Describe your personality and what makes it unique.

Here's my paper so far:

Personality is what makes each person a special, irreplaceable individual. It makes everyone different from everyone else, and precious in Gods' eye. My personality is unique in many ways. Ambitious, musical, and sensitive are just a few words that describe me.

Ambitious is a good word that describes me because I set my goals high and don't quit until I reach them. When I was a freshman in high school, my goal was to make the school varsity soccer team. I knew that this would be hard, so I did my best at all the practices and trained hard. All my hard work paid off. I made varsity as a freshman. I have three main goals right now. My first goal is to get into the North Carolina School of Science and Mathematics. My second goal is go to the Virginia Military Institute to earn my four-year degree. My third goal is to then get into the North Carolina State University Veterinary Medicine program. I know that I can accomplish my goals and I will not quit until I do.

I love music and musical is a great word to describe me. I have been playing piano since I was in first grade and I am my teacher's top student. I love singing, and my name means 'like a beautiful melody' in Italian. I am in Concert Choir at my high school and I love the new show Glee. I love country music because the songs tell stories and make me feel the emotions the person in the song is feeling. The songs portray the emotions in a way that other genre's just cannot do. I also really like Christian music, modern Christian music. I like this kind of music because the songs inspire me and express my faith in a way I can easily understand and relate to. I constantly have one of these two genres of music playing, and I sleep with my stereo on.

Most people would probably not describe me as sensitive, but my close friends and family know that I am. I am very sensitive when it comes to animals. When my class and I watched Old Yeller in third grade, I could not watch the part where Old Yeller has to be put down because I would start crying. It breaks my heart when I see the most recent ASPCA animal abuse advertisement, and I end up bawling every time I watch it. Albert Einstein said, "Our task must be to free ourselves... by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty." This quote represents me because I am a kind, nurturing, and sensitive individual. Animals tend to take to well. I think this is because they sense my altruistic spirit and they know I care and stand for them.

I was thinking about using a quote for a hook... The best quote I could find is: "I am what is mine. Personality is the original personal property." ~Norman O. Brown

Please help me! :)