Essays / Thesis statement for an argumentative essay about music [8]

My thesis changed:
Music is a very important part or our lives and without it we would not be as advanced as we are today.
How is this??

Undergraduate / University of Richmond supplement - Outside the comfort zone [4]

you could put "and I wasn't any better at the sports then they were." or "and I worked just as hard at the sports as they did" Either would sound good.

some more things you might want to change are (some more things I caught):
"know Tameem, who I then called my best friend." Change is to "who, at the time, I called my best friend."

"had to say "Goodbye" to each" I would take goodbye out of quotes

"Only this time I felt the desire to cry, but I didn't. I knew that it was because I finally was alone." Maybe rewrite it to say "This time I had the desire to cry because I finally felt I was alone."

"People seemed very pleasant and welcoming. But teenagers were not." Maybe change to "The people there were very pleasant and welcoming, but the teenagers were not." Might want to change people to adults,

In your essay you may want to state the fact as to when you left your comfort zone... it's only a suggestion, you mentioned that you were leaving your comfort zone again but you never mentioned that you left it in the first place, let alone a second time.

Hope this helps a bit more

Essays / Thesis statement for an argumentative essay about music [8]

Thank you! This really helps me.

Undergraduate / University of Richmond supplement - Outside the comfort zone [4]

This is a great essay.
There are some mistakes that I caught, but you may want them to be that way:
"I knew that it was because I finally was alone..." Either put because finally I was alone, or I was finally alone.
"I joined the tennis, wrestling, and soccer teams because..." Maybe Add Teams
"...best way to reach them, and I wasn't better in any work more than sports." This doesn't seem right to me

"or America. So we do not have" Take out "So"