Writing Feedback / "Everything's An Argument" - Evaluative Essay [5]

Hello,

I'm a student in a lower division English Critical Reasoning Writing class. The following essay was for an evaluative essay assignment. The professor provided the following criteria to be met:

Evaluation Essay

Write a paper evaluating an essay in your "Everything's An Argument" text. This is NOT a review. Rather, you will be evaluating your subject based on a set of criteria. Your paper should include:

- Introduction to your subject(you may choose your topic--look to your text for ideas),
- Statement of judgment (couched in terms of value: good, bad, better than, worse than, of merit, worthless),
- Statement of standard and accepted criteria on which this judgment is based,
- Three reasons with evidence in support of the judgment,
- Statement of opposing side's position (opposite - i.e., this is not a good movie),
- First reason with evidence in support of opposing side's position which is counter argued with evidence,
- Second reason with evidence in support of opposing side's position which is counter argued with evidence,
- A bibliography in MLA format,
- Conclusion.
Pay close attention to the details of your explanation. BE SPECIFIC!
This assignment will be evaluated on the following basis:

All points listed above discussed, strength of your argument, spelling, grammar and clarity.

I'd recommend choosing a subject related to something in your "Everything's An Argument text" and you can email me if you want to ask me about your topic ahead of time. Be sure and follow all the guidelines are writing an evaluation essay as described in your "Everything's An Argument text" because there are a lot of specific guidelines, as well as the general guidelines I emailed you.

The essay is below. I would appreciate critcism from you regarding my essay. I am particularly concerned about punctuation and sentence structure/fragments. I'm really confused about the proper use of the apostrophy behind my references to the Lakers team, Lakers' organization etc. In addition, in your opinion, is my argument meeting my professor's stated objectives. My professor has reviewed this essay and has given some comments back to me. She has not been able to provide a complete critique at this time.

This essay below is the text only version. A formatted version, which includes a very important photo, is available for viewing at bgcp.com/temp/essay.html

Thank you all in advance for your help.

Bob G

The 2007 - 2008 Los Angeles Lakers - A New Dynasty is Born!

George Mikan, Jerry West, Wilt Chamberlain, Magic Johnson, and Shaquille O'Neill - most everyone has heard the names of these legends in the colorful history of the Los Angeles Lakers professional basketball organization. Throughout their history, the Lakers' organization has always provided their fans and supporters with players of extra-ordinary talents. Many championship banners hang in the rafters of the Lakers' current home, Staples Center in Los Angeles. I've been an ardent Lakers' supporter since the beginning of my high school days. For over forty-five years I rejoiced during the many winning seasons and suffered through the bad ones. Elgin Baylor and Jerry West were once the heroes I emulated during my adolescent basketball fantasies. I frequently cheered for the likes of Wilt "the stilt," "Kareem," "Magic," and "The Diesel." Then, in 2004 everything changed. Shaquille O'Neill, the all-star Lakers center, packed his bags and moved to Miami. When he left, I felt like I was watching the Queen Mary II depart. There went the Lakers' champion and all that was left in LA was a sinking ship. "Showtime"2 was over! Subsequently, the Lakers' organization declared they were rebuilding, investing in youth for the future - they've been there before. Their newest young star, Kobe Bryant, will be the franchise. I had many doubts. The team was now dreadful. I preferred high school basketball to watching the Lakers play. But now in 2008, it appears the Lakers' organization was right again. The Los Angeles Lakers are on track for possibly another NBA championship - if not this year, then probably in the next, and the next...., has "Showtime" returned? Because of the Los Angeles Lakers pro basketball organization's proven winning tradition; the 2007-08 LA Lakers team is the new infant of the next professional basketball dynasty in Los Angeles.

The history of the Lakers' franchise began in 1947 in Minneapolis, Minnesota. With their super-star George Mikan, they easily won the National Basketball League's3 championship that year. The Lakers' tradition of "winning" was established. In 1949 the National Basketball Association (NBA), as we know it today, was born. The Lakers again won the championship that year. By the end of the 1952-53 season, the Lakers had won four championships in five years. The first Lakers' professional basketball dynasty was alive. In 1958-59, with new found rookie Elgin Baylor, the Lakers launched a new era of "winning" by capturing the NBA championship again. A year later, after they moved to Los Angeles, they became the NBA's first west coast team. The next 20 years were difficult. Despite the addition of rookie Jerry West and veteran Wilt Chaimberlan, the Lakers won only two championships. New ownership in 1979, and the addition of rookie Earvin "Magic" Johnson and veteran Kareem Abdul Jabbar, propelled the Lakers into the "Showtime" era. The Lakers' team of the 80's was considered by many to be the team of the decade, another Lakers' dynasty. They won five NBA championships during that period. The start of the 21st century suggested a new Lakers' dynasty was again in the making. Despite turmoil and disagreement amongst players, two new super-stars, rookie Kobe Bryant and veteran Shaquille O'Neill, led the Lakers to NBA championships in 2000, 2001, 2002. The joy was brief. In 2004 the championship Lakers' team was dismantled. Shaq to Miami, Horry to San Antonio, Fischer to San Francisco, Malone retired; there was not much left. Once again, the Lakers faced a major rebuilding task. The responsibility for the Lakers' winning tradition was now placed on their young, new super-star, Kobe Bryant, and his supporting group of unknown fledglings.

Meanwhile, the other teams in the NBA were not sitting still. With the Lakers' championship team in chaos, the San Antonio Spurs easily captured the 2003, 2005, and 2007 NBA crowns. In 2003, for the first time in ten years, the Lakers didn't participate in the NBA playoffs. The Lakers returned to the NBA championship in 2004 with their "dream team", only to be defeated in five games by the Detroit Pistons. This was the catalyst for the great Lakers' demise of 2004. In Miami, the acquisition of Shaq strengthened an already formidable line-up. With veterans Shaq and Alonzo Mourning, and their young players Eddie Jones and Dwayne Wade, the Heat became the 2006 NBA champions. The Dallas Mavericks and Phoenix Suns were also busy building potential championship teams during this period. After their 2004 dismantling, the Lakers continued raising their youngsters under the leadership of Kobe Bryant and veteran Lamar Odom. To the Lakers' supporters, the team's current direction seemed hopeless. At one point, even their super-star, Kobe Bryant, demanded to be traded to another team. How much time would the Lakers' rebuilding program need before another championship team emerged? Who were these young hopefuls; Andrew Bynum, Jordan Farmar, and Luke Walton? Can they really bring another dynasty to Los Angeles?

The affect of the Lakers' success or failure reaches far and wide in Southern California (So-Cal). Winning or losing seasons can quickly change the economic outlook for many businesses, especially those involved in ticket, concession, transportation, and souvenir sales. Winning or losing changes the social behavior of the general population. For example, the 2004 Lakers' team destruction left many people in the So-Cal area crying in their beers and Latte's. It took a while to get over the loss of Shaq. People still argue today if Shaq should have stayed instead of Kobe. And a few years earlier, during the Lakers' "mini dynasty," I'm sure everyone remembers how the "three-peat" championships of 2000-01-02 ignited the Southern California area. The social atmosphere in the So-Cal area became electric during that time. People in all areas of So-Cal were wearing Lakers' T-shirts and hats. They were flying Lakers' flags from their cars, many displayed banners from their balconies or their front lawns. In local restaurants, bars, and even churches, a frequent topic of discussion was the Lakers. Even my 85 year old mother and her group of senior friends were enthralled by the Lakers' mystique that was sweeping our communities. They never missed a game.

I never understood the extreme emotions ordinary people experienced over Lakers' wins or losses. After all, does any of that really affect my life? What have I gained because the Lakers are NBA champions or not? Actually; nothing! However, the excitement I felt, the camaraderie I experienced with people I'd never met before, and just the complete euphoria I felt when the Lakers won a championship is difficult to equal. Many people from all walks of life share those feelings. My adolescent fantasies came to life through accomplishments of the Lakers' players.

The start of the 2007-08 Lakers' season promised new hope. After struggling in what seemed hopelessness for the past three years, new life appeared on the horizon. Andrew Bynum, the youngster in whom the Lakers placed part of their plan for the future as Shaq's replacement, began to show his abilities. Jordan Farmar, the young guard from UCLA, became the leader of the much improved "bench" squad. An unexpected off-season acquisition, veteran Derrick Fischer, brought much needed experience back to the team. The Lakers started winning. It didn't take long for them to be near the top of the NBA's Western Division again. The young team was gaining momentum.

The success of any sports organization vitally depends upon the health of their players. In December, 2007 the Lakers' progress was stymied by a devastating injury to Andrew Bynum's right knee. He was playing so well. Many sports writers were calling the Lakers the best in the NBA. Will this injury delay the Lakers' chance for a championship until Bynum's expected return in late March? The Lakers' organization didn't think so. In a totally unexpected trade, the Lakers acquired a relatively unknown veteran named Pau Gasol from the Memphis Grizzlies. I, and many others, had never heard of him. Who was he? It didn't take So-Cal fans long to find out. Since his arrival, the Lakers have won 16 games and lost only three. As of this writing, they lead the NBA's Western Division. Usually, a team is at a great disadvantage when players are injured. The Lakers however, have strengthened their team, despite a number of injured players. How good will this team be when they are back at full strength? Many veteran sports writers predict the Lakers are the team to win it all this year. Is this the start of a new Lakers' dynasty?

Many arguments are written about who is historically the best organization in the NBA. Arguably, the Boston Celtics boast a historical record that sets the standard in the NBA. Boston's string of NBA championships during the 60's is yet to be equaled. Was this a basketball dynasty? Yes! Boston's consecutive championships during the 60's are considered the dynasty of that decade. But, what is a dynasty? Dynasty is defined by Webster4 as, "a succession of rulers from the same family." Interpreted in current sports terms; "a succession of champions from the same organization." By this definition, the Lakers have produced three dynasties to Boston's one. And what about the Chicago Bulls? Agreed, they were the dynasty of the 90's but, have not done so again. Some sports writers argue the San Antonio Spurs also may have claims to a dynasty. How can that be? San Antonio is a relatively new organization in the NBA. They have won four non-consecutive championships in the past ten years. And let's not forget Detroit, Houston, and New York; all have won multiple NBA championships but, hardly qualify as dynasties. The quality of a professional sports organization is dictated by the commitment of the corporate ownership to the goals of the organization. Simply said; money. Throughout their history, the owners of the Lakers have always been committed to the quality of their organization. This is very evident in the numerous NBA championship, division championship, and most valuable player banners hanging from the rafters at Staples Center. The Los Angeles Lakers' organization has demonstrated in past years their goal is to win frequent and consecutive championships, to build dynasties.

To become a pro basketball dynasty again, the Lakers' organization must concentrate on continuing their winning tradition. To do so requires experience and money. The Lakers' organization has both. The current owners, the Buss family, are committed to bringing NBA championships to Los Angeles. Although on many occasions I didn't understand their decisions, they have proven their championship commitment again in 2007-08. Some writers say it's too soon to be talking dynasty and the Lakers. They say the Lakers' team is unproven in 2007-08. The team is young and untested in playoff situations. I agree. However, I can only point to the ingredients that made up previous Lakers' dynasties. Many of those ingredients are back on the Lakers' court again.

Three key ingredients were present in previous Lakers' dynasties. First, the principle leader of the Lakers was/is the coach, Phil Jackson. His accomplishments include previous dynasties with the Chicago Bulls in the 90's and then the Lakers in 2000-02. He has numerous NBA championship rings from leading Chicago and the Lakers to many NBA championships. He has the experience to guide the Lakers' players through the physical and emotional challenges of winning consecutive championships. Next, all previous Lakers' dynasties were produced by one or two super-star veteran players supported by a group of very good young players. The 2007-08 Lakers' team has that winning combination. Veterans Bryant, Fischer, Odom, and Gasol combined with youngsters Farmar, Bynum, Walton, Turiaf, Ariza, and Vujacic form a nucleus that, if healthy, can produce championships for many years to come. Finally, the players like each other. A championship team is like a well tuned race car, there cannot be any parts out of sync. The Lakers' team is in sync. They play well together, on and off the court. Their "bench" squad is currently the best in the NBA, supporting the starting five very effectively. When all these ingredients perform to their potential, the Lakers' organization will be a champion for many years to come.

Another Lakers' NBA championship could bring great joy to the So-Cal area. A new Lakers' dynasty of several consecutive NBA championships would certainly bring a new frenzy to So-Cal's communities, reminiscent of the years 2000-02. With today's gloomy economic outlook, a Lakers' championship might help certain communities regain a positive financial balance. For some, a new Lakers' dynasty could bring a yearly reason for celebration, as if they need another. Winning is addictive, it spreads happiness far and wide. A new Lakers' dynasty could bring many people in our communities together in the spirit of winning. Perhaps even some of the horrible gang shootings could decrease in our city; they'll be too busy watching and celebrating the Lakers' victories. The Lakers' organization currently has the resources, skill, talent, and experience to bring So-Cal another series of NBA championships, another dynasty. I for one can hardly wait.

 
Notes

1 Photo credit - "The Official Site of the Los Angeles Lakers." History of the Lakers page.

2 Moniker given to the dazzling performances by Lakers' individuals.

3 National Basketball League (NBL) was the professional basketball league which preceded the National Basketball Association (NBA) we know today.

4 Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary. Springfield, Mass.: G & C Merriam Co., 1973: (pg. 352)

Works Cited

History of the Lakers. Publication date unknown. Official Site of the Los Angeles Lakers.

Lakers Roster. Publication date unknown. Official Site of the Los Angeles Lakers.

Lakers Schedules and Scores. Publication date unknown. Official Site of the Los Angeles Lakers.

Celtics History - Championship Wins. Publication date unknown. Official Site of the Boston Celtics.

List of NBA World Champions Since 1947. Publication date unknown. FanBay NBA Stats Home.
San Antonio Spurs. March 4, 2008. CBS Sports - NBA. March 8, 2008
< sportsline.com/nba/teams/page/SA