Posts by Angevil91

Angevil91

Feb 28, 2010

Undergraduate / The apocalypse, or judgment day - Help For essay sample Northwest University [9]

Please can you tell me if that sounds correct. I'm a foreigner, and no one can help me with my essay. I just wanted to know if there are sentences badly constructed, or grammar errors, Thanks for reading.

"When the earth is severely quaked.
And the earth ejects its loads.
The human will wonder: "What is happening?" .
On that day, it will tell its news.
That your Lord has commanded it.
On that day, the people will issue from every direction, to be shown their works.
Whoever does an atom's weight of good will see it. And whoever does an atom's weight of evil will see it."
Qu'ran sura 99

From religion to science fiction, mankind has always been fascinated by the end of the world. It inspired the most illustrious novelists, and nourished the faith of numerous believers. However, we live at a time where fiction and predictions are joining reality as the world is being torn apart by environmental conditions. The end of the world is no longer a myth, and seems more real than ever: Earthquakes in Haiti, in Chile... It is now proven by science, and obliges us to wonder about human's existence, his sacrifices, struggles that might all disappear.

Some of us do not think that our history and our future is worth fighting. They only think about our present, pursuing their pollution in the name of economy. Indeed, pollution and land degradation, is the engine of the capitalist system today. If we stopped the operation of a sudden, as would any ecologist, the world would fall into anarchy. We have seen the tragic consequences of Black Thursday in 1929,that we were reminded of in 2008 by the financial crisis. We saw the real extent of his capitalism, and we paid the consequences. In Amazonia, every second, 1,350 m2 of forest cover is torn. This deforestation feeds hundreds of thousands of Brazilian families, and is the basis for many large global companies. Remove deforestation would plunged part of the world's population into misery. The entire United States is based on the exploitation of their considerable natural resources. Prohibit this exploitation, and it will plunge the superpower into total chaos. It leaves us to a dilemma:

Is immerging the world today into anarchy worth saving human's existence?
The history of human existence is full of struggles, wars, discoveries. Struggles against slavery, for human rights, the suffering endured by the discriminated, the soldiers. Mankind has restlessly been fighting to create a better world, one in which we live today: a world of tolerance, peace, freedom. Forgetting these efforts by destroying this world, would reduce the sufferings of our fathers and our mothers to nothing. We need to consider ourselves, for once, as human beings, all equal, and as human beings, we have the duty to honor the memory of our ancestors by preserving their heritage. The fall of Babylon has been a terrible loss, still echoing in the writings of our ancestors. Do we really want it to happen again in a far larger scale?

The first step to slow the critical situation, is to agree that we can't totally stop pollution. We depend on the exploitation of natural resources. Nonetheless, we should establish serious limitations, not optional, like it used to be till today, and make sure that those limitations are fervently respected. The best way to do so is to declare anti-pollution as a basis of the law, as important as human rights, because at the end, neglect is a crime against humanity.

Oh and please, can you tell me. If the university asks 300 to 500 words. Can we still write 536 or is it going to cause a problem ?

Angevil91

Feb 23, 2010

Undergraduate / 'my vocation in communication' - Statement for Nothwestern university, communication [3]

Thank you very much for your help. You've been really helpful as I don't have anyone else than you. Thank you again

Angevil91

Feb 22, 2010

Undergraduate / 'my vocation in communication' - Statement for Nothwestern university, communication [3]

Hi, I have to write a personal statement for my application.
In a statement of 300 to 500 words, describe your unique qualities and characteristics and how they lend themselves to the field of study that you intend to pursue at Northwestern University. Please use experiences from your life that best express these traits.

Here is my statement. I am french and english isn't my native language, unlike you. I hoped you could help me, and let me know if we can tell that it's written by a foreigner.

Moreover, I have written 532 words. Is it going to be a problem or can I leave it like this ?

We all seek at a certain age what we are made for, we wonder about our vocation. A very questionable concept, because it introduces contested notions such as destiny and the biological function of human being. I, myself, never believed in it, due to my skeptical nature. At least, not until I realized that I was meant for communication. The term vocation could not have been better exemplified than with my case.

Communication is my biological function. Indeed, I have Egyptian blood from my father and Colombian blood from my mother, pumping through my veins, and I, myself grew up in France and Qatar. Thus, I come from a very multicultural environment. I admit that, amidst all these identities, I find myself sometimes confused because the principles of these different countries are very opposed. However, I learned how to talk to these different cultures and to different social classes. I saw the core of poverty, lived with it and went alongside the opulence and wealth. I learned the values of these people, lived with them. I realized that all these experiences are not trivial and they shaped me so that I could work in communication. My blood, my parents made me this way.

Similarly, my destiny seems mapped out and shows me the way of communication. Effectively, apart from the advantages given by the diversity of my origins, my father happens to be an expert in communication. He unconsciously raised me so that I would think, talk and act like him. I inherited part of his insightful way of thinking, and most of all, the art of debating. In a way, we could say that he pre-formed me for a communication career. I owe him for being who I am. And who is that, shall you ask ?

Apart from my passion for languages that encourages me to go further than four, I have an innate ability for argumentation that is unquestionably my greatest quality. I prove it, not only in my daily life, but also in my participation to the QatarDebate society. It allowed me to deepen my debating skills and to meet interesting people who became source of inspiration for me. Creativity is my second greatest quality. I love expressing it in my writings, mostly through poems and essays, in my projects, by making video montages, and in my cooking, as gastronomy is one of my interests. Whenever I am inspired, my intuition takes over and makes me write, cook, or realize a video. Last but not least, I may have not had always full confidence in me, but there is one thing I am sure of and that I could always rely on : my determination to succeed. When I recognized my vocation in communication, I also found a force within myself which makes me believe that nothing is impossible and that I could succeed in better ways that I never could have imagined. That is why I am applying to Northwestern University, that I am more than determined to enter. I know that it is the best way for me to reach success. I simply hope that you will give me a chance to prove it to you.

Thank you for your help, I really appreciate it

Angevil91

Feb 22, 2010

Writing Feedback / In some countries children have very strict rules of behavior, [3]

You say that : In most situations in upbringing process parents use the models of their own parents
Actually, we tend to say that children focus on their parent's bad qualities, in order to never have the same when they are parents their turn.

Apart from that, and some grammatical errors, your essay sounds great.

Angevil91

Feb 13, 2010

Undergraduate / The apocalypse, or judgment day - Help For essay sample Northwest University [9]

Thanks for your comments.
My solid point that I want to make the core of my essay is that we can't accept the end of the world because it means that the efforts, struggles and sufferings of our parents, and ancestors will be for nothing. We have to go beyond our lives, and think of ourselves as human beings for once. We owe to our ancestors to honor their memory by preserving what they left us. Babylon was a tragic and painfull loss. We have an even bigger "Babylon tragedy" waiting for us : the end of the world

I want to say that at the end of one's life, we always ask ourselves what we accomplished. It's something very important to feel at peace. The end of the world is going to erase all that as, even the more important people in history won't be remembered.

That's kind of my solid point.
I don't know if it's solid. I'm not sure if it answers the directions. I don't want to go further unless i know for sure that it's answering to the directions

Another thing, I know that in an essay, we must have 3 parts. I don't know how to divide that core point into 3 parts, and that's what lead me to "TOO many subjects". So i was hoping you could help me on this problem with some suggestions

Thank you again

Angevil91

Feb 9, 2010

Undergraduate / The apocalypse, or judgment day - Help For essay sample Northwest University [9]

Hi everyone !
I am applying for Northwestern university and they r asking me to write a sample.

It has to be based on a story, for example a real incident, a popular tale or an anecdote, and then i have to develop it into a discussion of an issue related to our contemporary world.

It has to be coherant, organized, with good arguments

I have an idea but im not sure about it.

For the story, I am thinking about the apocalypse, or judgment day. All those stories about the end of the world.

Then, i want to develop that introduction into the environment problems. We know that someday, somehow, the end of the world will come, it was proven scientifically.

The core of my essay will be that this situation leaves us with the question of the human being's existence. Even tho we have made significant progress in the technologies, in the science; even tho we have a religion, all of these creations made by the human kind will vanish like we never existed.

then, for a second part, i will talk about how the human being can win against the Nature with his intelligence, refering to the proverb of Blaise Pascal : Nature is stronger than mankind but mankind is stronger than Nature in the fact that it knows that it is weaker than Nature

I will be talking about the actual projects : going to Mars and instauring a military basement there to save part of human beings. I discuss about wether its feasable or not, about the morality of that gesture ( only some of the human beings )

Its not all of it, i have to improve the way of presenting it. I just want to know if i can continue in this way, or if im totally out of subject.

Thanks for ur help