Undergraduate / Catholic University - Personal Statement - Community Outreach [5]

It was a cold stormy day in January, and I couldn't help but notice the many Gypsy orphans struggling to find shelter under a county bench. As I stared at them through my bedroom window, I realized it was completely unethical for me to just sit there and do nothing as these homeless Neanderthals ruin a perfectly mowed lawn.

Hose, the last of his kind, a legal Hispanic immigrant, had just mowed that lawn four hours earlier, and I knew it would break his little heart to know someone stomped all over some of his finest work. This was not the first time that I helped Hose, years earlier, I helped him embrace the American culture by encouraging him change his name to Hose, from "Jose," as you may know, the J is mispronounced like an H in Spanish. I thank Panda Bear MD, for teaching me this linguistic discrepancy.

In addition to helping out the Latino community, I am also an active member in the fight to end women's suffrage. In 2009, I teamed up with Abby, a horrendous looking girl with the mind and face of a saint. As any dog lover will tell you, Saint Bernard's are very stubborn and won't rest until they get their way. Abby taught me many things, and is probably the only reason we were able to obtain over 40 thousand signatures on our proposed change to the 19th amendment.

While I await the response from congress in regard to our proposition, I have began to reach out to the underserved and less known cultural groups, with the goal of gaining new perspectives on life and helping out the less privileged. Hmong, pronounced, "Hha-Mong" is the group of people I began to work with. I spent many hours, discouraging the elders from deferring to shamans' for advice, and introduced them to Wikipedia, which can provide much stronger and more powerful spells. I also taught them that living in high mountainous regions is a poor strategy when you're trying to escape the wrath of Chinese samurai warriors, and building nuclear weapons is a far better strategy.

I accepted their shocked expressions, and the look of complete disbelief as the depth of my impact on their lives. It wasn't until I saw one of the elders pick up a shovel and start to dig a hole, that I had no doubt I made an enormous impact. I have no doubt that this elder was preparing for a new profession of mining uranium.

As I apply to this highly esteemed university, I hope the admission committee doesn't hold it against me that my Catholic beliefs are so pure. Unlike most of the Catholic applicants, I truly believe in a superstitious all-mighty bearded fella that rules the universe. This is why I have spend many years of my life as a humanitarian, trying to convince, as kids refer to him now days as, "Santa" that I'm worthy of his praise, in hopes that he would allow me into his slumber in the North Pole, where I could approach the virgin Mary and challenge all laws of physics, and see if I too, could impregnate her without actually engaging in the act of fornication. Perhaps it is some kind of an acrobatic routine that facilitates this physiologic phenomenon.

In conclusion, I know there are many things that I can still learn, and sincerely hope that this essay illustrates my intention to benefit the human race. I hope this is my first step in a long and passionate pursue of an education that will afford the greatest means of impact and contribution.

I welcome all comments and advice,

Thank You

Leinad