Catholic University - Personal Statement - Community Outreach

It was a cold stormy day in January, and I couldn't help but notice the many Gypsy orphans struggling to find shelter under a county bench. As I stared at them through my bedroom window, I realized it was completely unethical for me to just sit there and do nothing as these homeless Neanderthals ruin a perfectly mowed lawn.

Hose, the last of his kind, a legal Hispanic immigrant, had just mowed that lawn four hours earlier, and I knew it would break his little heart to know someone stomped all over some of his finest work. This was not the first time that I helped Hose, years earlier, I helped him embrace the American culture by encouraging him change his name to Hose, from "Jose," as you may know, the J is mispronounced like an H in Spanish. I thank Panda Bear MD, for teaching me this linguistic discrepancy.

In addition to helping out the Latino community, I am also an active member in the fight to end women's suffrage. In 2009, I teamed up with Abby, a horrendous looking girl with the mind and face of a saint. As any dog lover will tell you, Saint Bernard's are very stubborn and won't rest until they get their way. Abby taught me many things, and is probably the only reason we were able to obtain over 40 thousand signatures on our proposed change to the 19th amendment.

While I await the response from congress in regard to our proposition, I have began to reach out to the underserved and less known cultural groups, with the goal of gaining new perspectives on life and helping out the less privileged. Hmong, pronounced, "Hha-Mong" is the group of people I began to work with. I spent many hours, discouraging the elders from deferring to shamans' for advice, and introduced them to Wikipedia, which can provide much stronger and more powerful spells. I also taught them that living in high mountainous regions is a poor strategy when you're trying to escape the wrath of Chinese samurai warriors, and building nuclear weapons is a far better strategy.

I accepted their shocked expressions, and the look of complete disbelief as the depth of my impact on their lives. It wasn't until I saw one of the elders pick up a shovel and start to dig a hole, that I had no doubt I made an enormous impact. I have no doubt that this elder was preparing for a new profession of mining uranium.

As I apply to this highly esteemed university, I hope the admission committee doesn't hold it against me that my Catholic beliefs are so pure. Unlike most of the Catholic applicants, I truly believe in a superstitious all-mighty bearded fella that rules the universe. This is why I have spend many years of my life as a humanitarian, trying to convince, as kids refer to him now days as, "Santa" that I'm worthy of his praise, in hopes that he would allow me into his slumber in the North Pole, where I could approach the virgin Mary and challenge all laws of physics, and see if I too, could impregnate her without actually engaging in the act of fornication. Perhaps it is some kind of an acrobatic routine that facilitates this physiologic phenomenon.

In conclusion, I know there are many things that I can still learn, and sincerely hope that this essay illustrates my intention to benefit the human race. I hope this is my first step in a long and passionate pursue of an education that will afford the greatest means of impact and contribution.

I welcome all comments and advice,

Thank You

Leinad

Is this a joke? If so, it is not funny. If not, you seem to have a very warped outlook on things.


So now you are being judgmental of illegal immigrants in a casual way with trite remarks? I can't believe how offensive this essay is.


You have not yet mentioned anything you did to help out the Latino community.

You trust Wiki over the advice of elders? Do you realize that Wiki is full of explanations by ordinary people and that you or I could modify it at any time?


Samurai warriors are not Chinese.

Wow, this gets weirder as I continue to read. I hope you are not actually going to send this to a school you want to attend. I also hope you will do some soul searching to see if you are experiencing delusions of grandeur that make you think you are better than others because of where you grew up.

Err...


I agree. another thing. tense of ruin is wrong


who in the world of Cal Poly is Panda Bear MD...mowing lawns, finest work, Hose sounds like Hose...without the Spanish e-accent...you're being demeaning, or utterly innocent.


um. no comment?


again, no comment.


Are you comparing Abby to a female dog? ...


what change? pray tell


Are you joking? you want to tell a college that you de-cultured a people to look a Wiki...I thought colleges wanted people who help integrate, but in such a way? and stating it like this? wow


totally irrelevant


..


..who said God was a fella...I will now stop reading and advise you to go dig a whole...if you don't know why, then dig faster, you'll find out soon

WOW, first line and I already feel offended.


Absolutely unnecessary. And wrong by the way.


This does not give me the impression you helped him. More that you look down on him and his work.


Mispronounced??? stop the ethnocentrism for one second, please! and who is Panda Bear MD?


So you """helped""" him which makes you the white knight of the Latino community? enlightening.


And how is that, by calling them horrendous and then comparing them to a big dog perhaps?


I laughed. Pathetic.


Maybe because you had none?

Wow wow wow. I'm not going to comment the rest. I seriously hope this is just a joke and that you did not write this seriously. But in case you did: read your bible. Your essay is full of ignorance, bigotry and ethnocentrism. You missed major (if not all) teachings of the catholic faith.

Gentleman, please accept my deepest gratitude for your comments. I will make the appropriate grammatical changes to my essay to reflect your suggestions.

I would like to clarify a few thinks about my catholic denomination.

1) Gypsies are a long time nemesis of my fellow brotherin. - the admission committee will understand the slander in the first paragraph.

2) Panda Bear is an emergency physician, who is a linguist on the side, he has written an exposé on the Latino language and use of J instead of H.

3) Abby looked and acted remarkably like a Saint Bernard. I believe I clarified this point in my essay.

4) I will take your kind advice and change my verbiage in response to "ending women's suffrage" - "Suffrage" means: right to vote, I don't want to end any suffering, which means: "endure pain."

5) Wikipedia has some very strong spells that the Hmong people have utilized since my intervention, these have been far more successful than their thousand year old spells.

6) I can see how someone may misperceive my essay as ethnocentric. My only comment, is that I am as genuine as the republic party, and do not delude myself with any grandeur beliefs.

7) This essay simply illustrates the depth of my religious denomination, and I'm sure that the knowledgeable admission committee members will have a wealth of knowledge, and know exactly where I'm coming from.

Once again, I thank you for your time and responses.

Leinad