Writing Feedback / ielts essay: Advantages of attending school from a young age [2]

hi guys! i'll be grateful to help me in finding my errors .my aim is a 7 in ielts writing i do not know how to improve my essay.any ideas about grammar vocabs ..?

Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and playing until they are 6 or 7 others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible ,what are the advantages of attending school from a young age ?

Childhood is considered as an important period in shaping one's personality. It is believed by some people that staying at home and playing until age 6 or 7 is justified while many others disagreeing ,consider going to school from younger ages is necessary. This essay will examine both views.

Emphasizing on the importance of playing in children's education the main reason to stress is that children learn many different aspects of social and personal development while playing. Importantly, they can learn how to solve a problem. Moreover, according to psychologists playing has a direct positive impact on brain.

Nevertheless, considering the subject into a closer consideration there are convincible reasons that prove going to school from a younger age is a necessity. First of all, in our modern society while children of age 3 can easily come up with using a computer. Typically children play with computers lonely for hours so they can hardly fine a time to play with their friends. This matter has negatively influenced social connection ability among this age group, whereas at schools they learn how to act as a member of a group as well as learning how to cooperate with each other.

Secondly, it is proved that from age 2 to 6 the maximum brain development occurs, for instance they learn most of the vocabulary that they would use during their lifetime. It seems that children who have been sent to kindergartens before age 6 would be more successful in their upcoming educational years at school.

Last but not least, one of the most important advantages of going to school is learning how to think and behave independently. However, if parents wish to teach their children at home there should exist special carefully designed courses for them to participate in.

in conclusion, childhood is a critical period in one's development in multiple dimensions. Since school can effectively meet the needs of a child in every educational field; in my personal view, going to school can really help children to be successful in future.

Writing Feedback / ielts:role of computers in education [4]

hi guys! i need a 7 or above in writing :( i would appreciate your valuable comments from anyone taking an ielts exam on my writing to improve its grammar vocabs etc thanks a lot

computers nowadays are used in every field of life.where in your opinion is the role of computers in education and where is the role of teachers

Half a century ago one could hardly imagine what advanced technologies based on computers would advent in next decades.The development of computers has had great influence on our lives affecting important aspects like economy, education and medicine. This essay will examine the role of teachers as well as computers in modern education.

It can not be denied that teachers play a critical role in children education. Firstly, they prepare a friendly atmosphere in class. Secondly, not only they teach them but also they try to be their second family. Importantly, a good teacher can be even a role model for a child. Last but not least, they pass their experiences and beliefs along their knowledge to next generation.

Nevertheless, new technologies have challenged the conventional role of teachers in the class. Teachers used to be the only reliable source of information for students and there was a show-tell approach in teaching while the exponential speed of information change today makes this method rather abolished. Another considerable point is that the information within textbooks should be revised and updated time by time that will definitely impose the excess expenses to educational system.

Consequently, it is the computer and e-learning that help teachers to come up with the aforementioned problems. Using unlimited educational sources available in the internet along with interactive CDs or games; nowadays, teachers can effectively manage how to transfer educational material to their students to have an enjoyable educational process with a long-lasting result in particular.

Furthermore, the role of teachers surely changes in this system because it would not only be teachers who transfer the information to their students but it would be also the students themselves who follow their educational needs while teaching role of a teacher would change to a guide role subsequently.

In conclusion, since computers are going to find their real places in modern education; hence, in my opinion, it is expected that the current educational system would change in next years to a technology dominating system.