Posts by Queena

Queena_Wong

Mar 23, 2010

Writing Feedback / Toefl integrated essay：Were there life-form on Mars？ [4]

The reading passage offers three evidences that life-form has existed on Mars 。The lecture completely refutes the passage.
First of all ，the lecture says ，observeing the fossil with the aid of microscopes may change its real characteristic features ，which makes it is similar to the fossils whichare found on earth 。However,this departs from the reading passage,it sounds reli weird "this departs from the reading" which contends that tube-like fossil can testify that some living things have been there 。

Secondly，the lecture belives that the special chemical compounds found on Mars may be formed by volcanic explosions on earth or come from other non life form activitiesi dont get what ur trying to say 。Therefore, this directly contradicts what the passage indicates.

Thirdly，opposing the reading opposing the reading doesnt make sense

which points grains and bactria have been found on Mars，the lecture demonstrates that the magnetic field on Mars is not as strong the magnetic field on Earth ，the bacteria are too week to follow the meteorites and the grains were useless. this is a run on sentence

ur essay is somewhat confusing and you need to re-read wat u write, esp the grammer you use.

Queena_Wong

Mar 23, 2010

Undergraduate / commerce supplemental --what is leadership? [3]

This is my full supplemental for commerce. Any help or feedback would be appreciated. Thank you all in advance.

Describe what leadership means to you. What qualities do you have that make you a leader? (200 words max)

Leaders are influential individuals that gain the respect of others by creating certain goals that people acknowledge and admire. In order to be a great leader, they must be different from others, in creativity, principles and values combined with their own personality. Leaders must have confidence in the decisions they make in order to gain the respect of people. Having volunteered at many places, I have gained organizational, communication and teamwork skills, which are important qualities a leader requires. Leaders have the ability to create environments where others are able to work efficiently and comfortably in. As a manager at my school store, I have improved the skills needed to be a leader. I have successfully completed goals I set. With the support of other students and great teamwork, my team has created a winning promotion that has gained the respect of my teacher and has influenced other teams to create successful promotions. I believe that going to Sauder's is the ideal place because I have the leadership skills needed to be a leader.

Describe and evaluate one experience, during the last four years, that has significantly influenced your academic goals. (200 words max)

In my entrepreneurship class we watched a documentary on Jim Pattison, a successful Canadian entrepreneur who followed his dreams. I was amazed at how a door to door sales man was able to turn into a successful entrepreneur owning multimillion dollar businesses. His ideas were ingenious, selling cars he found on classified ads to students on campus at UBC. His contributions to British Columbia has been massive and has helped make Expo'86 and the 2010 Winter Olympics here in Vancouver huge successes. Jim Pattison has been my idol ever since I have learned his achievements and accomplishments. He has inspired me to become an entrepreneur as well as make goals in life that will help me achieve my dreams in life.

Do you think this is too short?

Please include any additional information about yourself that you would like the Admissions Committee to consider when reviewing your application. (500 words max.)

Having taken six business courses in high school in the last four years has sparked my interest for having a career related to business. I have taken entrepreneurship, business computers applications, macroeconomics, accounting and various other courses. My marks for this year have not been up to par as I would have liked but because of my two advanced placement courses I am taking. I also have a couple of family issues I am currently dealing with as well as a part time job. I trust that going to Sauder's will be very stressful but I know I am able to deal with the pressure. I believe that Sauder's will enhance my knowledge and help give me the skills I need in the future to have a successful career or start my own business in the future. The courses I have taken have taught me to create business plans, how the economy works as well create balance sheets. My goal in the future is to be able to open a flower shop on my own. With my background knowledge of business I believe I can create a successful flower shop because I have the experience of managing a store, creating promotions and managing money. My experience working as a sales associate dealing with customers is also beneficial as well because it has helped develop my communication skills. I believe that Sauder's will be able to help me expand the skills I already have with new concepts to assist me in my future career.

i was just wondering if i should leave this part "My marks for this year have not been up to par as I would have liked but because of my two advanced placement courses I am taking. I also have a couple of family issues I am currently dealing with as well as a part time job. I trust that going to Sauder's will be very stressful but I know I am able to deal with the pressure. " out. Or does it sound ok if its like that?