Writing Feedback / Concert report - essay for my music class [NEW]

this is an essay i had to write for my music class. it has to be five paragraphs. the teacher said he will check for run ons/grammar

I went to the MDC Jazz Band & Jubilation Dance Ensemble. The conductor was Matt Bonelli and the dance coordinator was Michelle Grant Murray. The concert was held in the McCarthy Auditorium Room 6120 on Tuesday, October 28 2008. The concert started at 7:30 pm and ended at 8:40 pm. There were 5 jazz performances, and 4 dance performances happening mostly simultaneously.

The first piece Wind Blues had a very harsh sound, hard to listen to. It was very loud. There were four girls dancing in the front. The trumpet part sounded the best. It had a metered rhythm, it became faster toward the end. The composer stood during the performance. The 2nd work Archa was very easy to hear. It had a slow tempo at the beginning, metered, crescendo at certain points. It mostly stayed at the same volume. The horn & trumpet had solos at the front. It was longer than the first piece.

The 3rd work was mostly a dance, with the piano playing. It had crescendo in the beginning, harsh sound, unmetered. The harmony was polyphonic. The piano player and trumpet player begin playing at the end. The 4th work was called Three More Foxes. This piece was very easy to hear. It was metered, highly syncopated. The composer stood in the front. The harmony was polyphonic. It had a fast tempo. It had accents at different levels, not an easy tune to hum to. It will suddenly get louder. The end is the loudest, towards the end becoming dissonance.

The 5th work was called Snakes. The bassist was an Anglo Saxophone player. The piece was metered, loud. It had an easy theme to recognize. It became gradually louder. It had a conjunct rhythm. The last piece was Groovin Hard. It had a harsh sound, forte. It begins with forte dynamics to crescendo. It was metered with a conjunct background. The piece was polyphonic. It had a mezzo background then crescendo, then back to subito forte, then back to mezzo.

I really liked the trumpet and trombomes solos the two performers played. I liked how they mixed in the dance with the jazz playing. The dancing was very original. I would go to another jazz concert. It was better than I expected.

Writing Feedback / The Short Happy Life Of Francis Macomber Essay [NEW]

Mrs. Macomber shot her husband on purpose because she wanted to kill him and stay with his money. Mrs. Macomber never loved her husband. She was just with him for his money. She wanted to kill Mr. Macomber after she saw he had conquered his fear. She knew Mr. Macomber wouldn't need her no more, and would leave her. Mrs. Macomber didn't like that her husband was a coward. She makes no secret of this as she slips off in the middle of the night to sleep with Mr. Robert Wilson, the safari guide. At the beginning of the story Mr. Macomber dislikes the lion hunting and acts cowardly, but in the end he finds it marvelous, and it is Margot who is afraid. The next day as she saw that Francis continue to prove himself strong and courageous, so she realizes he might leave her and she wouldn't be able to ridicule him. Francis would let Mrs. Macomber get away with anything, she would kiss Mr. Wilson in the mouth, and he wouldn't say anything.

The basis of their marriage is that Mrs. Macomber is too beautiful for Francis to divorce her, and Francis has too much money for her to ever leave him. In the story we learn she has cheated on him before. When Francis realizes where his wife was he tells her "You promised me there wouldn't be any of that", showing her infidelity had been going on for a long time. In the beginning of the story she had looked forward to the hunt because she assumed that Macomber would show his cowardice again. But now she hates it because she realizes that she's losing psychological control over Macomber. Margots marriage to Macomber is based on money, and her psychological control and power over him. She knows that if Macomber realizes his strong sense of manhood finally, he will have the courage to leave her. And go looking for other young beauties, who don't treat him as bad as she does. In the story she also suggests how she's not as beautiful as she once was. Robert Wilson a witness in the shooting also says that he believes Margot shot her husband on purpose. He clearly says that if Macomber would of lived, he would had left her.

this is another journal entry, the thesis is the first sentence,and has to be like this
Mrs. Macomber shot her husband on purpose because ....and...

My teacher just checks the grammar,