Posts by orchid227

orchid227

Mar 30, 2010

Scholarship / my studies on Mass Communication - HELP A FRIEND APPLY TO A UNIVERSITY [4]

First off, I advise you to read your essay outloud to yourself or to a friend. I am impressed with your English abilities, but the flow could use some help.

Towards the end is the part that could use the most improvement. Be more descriptive of HOW the University can give you the best schooling and the best preparation to attain your goals in life. I'm sure it will feel to you that you are repeating yourself, but you are not. The reader needs it handed to them since they do not know you personally.

orchid227

Mar 30, 2010

Scholarship / "a maturing point" (experience/achievement/risk) - Scholarship Program essay [5]

Nice job.

Is this essay for a journalism or english scholarship? The begining makes it feel that way. This should be fine no matter what type of scholarship it is, just be aware of your decision.

"at Arrowhead Camp, Ca." sounds weird to me. First off, was this CA (California) or Canada? The next sentence says you were staying there a week. Could you just say "our week-long stay in Arrowhead"?

The next paragraph is where you lose your power. You set up the essay as a very intruiging story, but the very next paragraph is already alluding to the end. My advice is to keep the story more linear so the reader can experience your maturing point as it unfolds.

The main paragraph has an assumption that the reader knows what your fears were and what the rumors the young child heard were about. Before this paragraph, you should go into a lot more detail about how and why you were an outsider, WHY you were so afraid and anxious about camp, and maybe even the details of what other children told you about what could/would happen to you at camp. Why didn't you think you would handle it well? Why couldn't you lead yourself through the forest in the dark? Paint a picture of the scared and under-confident child.

orchid227

Mar 30, 2010

Scholarship / Natural Hazards conference attendance scholarship - looking for clarity [2]

**Thank you so much for reading this post! This is the final day to send in my application for this scholarship. These essays are what I have yet to complete. I would appreciate any input that anyone has about the flow of information, how things are said, and ideas on direction and what to say (especially for the last questions)!! Oh, most of the accronyms are explained in previous essays in the scholarship application, so I did not repeat here.

Sincerely,
Toni

How have you been involved in hazards mitigation or disaster management or otherwise contributed to your community and society?
(Limit 2400 characters or about 350 words)

For the last 5 years, WAS*IS (NCAR SIP program) has focused on societal impacts of weather and weather communication. I have been involved since 2008. Recently, I was asked to lead a committee that will use the weather workshop model to create climate workshops. These workshops will help professionals and stakeholders better communicate with each other and with the public. This collaboration leads to better understanding of risks and uncertainty as well as more efficient adaptation and mitigation. The organization has members connected with the National Weather Service, NOAA, AMS, policy makers, researchers, and emergency managers.

I volunteer with the International Environmental Data Rescue Organization. They are a NOAA funded non-profit that collaborate with meteorology offices in developing countries. The goal is to digitize historical weather data and make it available for research and public use. The analysis of historical data has lead to better understandings of local weather patterns which have improved agriculture and land use, flood forecasting, starvation prevention and led to better preventive measures for surviving droughts. The rescued data has also helped scientists and health officials anticipate future outbreaks and institute preventative measures. My role as a technical writer has been to educate the public relations team and other volunteers. Essentially, I make scientific information consumable to a more average reader.

My personal research for the last year has been the study of public perceptions of tsunamis and NOAA's TsunamiReady program. After the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami, the US has taken measures to be more prepared. My focus has been Los Angeles and the challenges their geography creates. Of greatest concern is the vastness of the area and density of the population. What has worked for NOAA in smaller coastal towns is being ignored in west Los Angeles. I have presented at the AMS annual meeting and will be presenting at CU Boulder's Hydrology Symposium (April 2010) and at the Society for the Psychological Study of Social Issues biennial meeting in New Orleans (June 2010).

THIS PART REALLY REALLY NEEDS HELP:

How would you or your organization benefit from your attendance at the Hazards Workshop?
(Limit 2400 characters or about 350 words)
**I do not feel fully involved in any of my organizations. I'm not sure which one to pick to talk about. Honestly, I want to go for me and my career, but that's not PC.

Please provide a brief statement of why you need financial assistance in order to attend the Hazards Workshop. Can you or your employer assume any of the cost? (Matching financial support is not a requirement for receiving the Mary Fran Myers Scholarship.)

(Limit 1800 characters or about 250 words)
**I need financial assistance because I'm not working! My jobs are volunteer. I'm living off of savings that is quickly depleting with DU's tuition (private school). Luckily, I live very close to where the conference is being held, so I don't need airfare or a hotel. I just need conference admission. I should also let you know that this conference is invitation only.

What are your career goals?
(Limit 2400 characters or about 350 words)
I'm happy to say that my current positions contain the beginning seeds of what I would like my career to be. First and foremost, I want to be a researcher. My interests are societal impacts and understanding of natural hazards. While I do not see myself as a university professor, I love to educate. Article writing for public consumption has been one way to fill that desire. The other has been working with a committee to create climate workshops that will foster collaboration and shared, open communication.

I've been very impressed with the atmosphere at NCAR/UCAR. I would love for my career to unfold there.

I plan to look at other threads in this forum before continuing with part of the application.