Undergraduate / "To Be Continued" - personal info considered as part of admission application [5]

There may be personal information that you want considered as part of your admissions application. Write an essay describing that information. You might include exceptional hardships, challenges, or opportunities that have shaped or impacted your abilities or academic credentials, personal responsibilities, exceptional achievements or talents, educational goals, or ways in which you might contribute to an institution committed to creating a diverse learning environment.

I think it's too long and I find myself using 'just' and 'and' too much. I need some different perspectives. Is it too personal, too melodramatic, too boring? I think I have a lot to say, but are there ways I can tighten it up, make it more engaging and perhaps less passive? Maybe things that can be cut out? Really any criticism, observation, or general impression would help me out a lot. So, have at it.

Also, I've been browsing around here for a while and if Mustafa or Notoman are lurking around anywhere I'd especially appreciate anything from you guys because you happen to be my favorites (apart from Kevin of course!).

To be continued. You'll often see TV shows or movies end with those words, letting you know that the story isn't over and there's still more to be said. Well that's where I feel like my life is now: in the middle of one of those thoroughly frustrating, what's-going-to-happen-next cliffhangers.

I think I've been shaped by a lifetime of challenges and obstacles. My childhood being ridden with numerous hardships both domestic and financial, it'd be far beyond the scope of this essay to try to describe them all here; but understand that if growing up was like running a marathon for an average kid, then I had to have done it while dragging a dead cow behind me.

Neither of my parents finished high school, nor did they care if I did either, and I have siblings that dropped out as early as seventh or eighth grade. So, being the inquisitive person that I am, always wanting to learn, succeed, and to do better, it's safe to say that I'm somewhat of an enigma in my family. On one occasion in about seventh grade, I remember strutting home with my sterling report card only to arrive and realize that there was no one there to be proud of me. Instead, all anyone had to say was, "If you're so damn smart how come you ain't got a job yet?" So I just trudged away to my room, dejected, and read all night until I fell asleep. Things like this weren't uncommon. I always had questions and my parents either couldn't or, more often, just didn't care to answer them. They preferred to belittle me and, once in a while, smack me around a bit instead. 'Home' was a hostile place of perpetual ignorance, violence, drug use, and mind-numbing despair, so naturally I did my best to spend as little time there as possible. It didn't take me long to recognize that anything I wanted I had to get on my own, and that the only person who expected anything from me was me. That didn't do much to discourage me, though.

I liked school, and although I didn't get to be as involved as I would have liked because I had other responsibilies including working to help pay bills or looking after my younger siblings, I practically relished it. It was somewhat of an escape for me, so I'd try to take in as much as I could while there, like the deep breath you take when you come up for air before plunging back underwater. I enjoyed learning, maybe because I saw its value, and just so happened to be very, very good at it; I was way ahead of the curve, and my teachers always told me so. Despite being extraordinarily gifted academically, I remained severely handicapped by what I had to deal with outside of school. However, I was somehow lucky enough to have been gifted with one key advantage: a brain. It seems as if I were born with a PhD in common sense and a Masters in thinking for myself, and It's done well to guide me. Even though everyone and everything was unravelling around me, I never let myself get dragged down into it. I realized that this doesn't have to be my life forever; I can do better, be better, so that's what I set out to do.

I wanted, more than anything, to get out of here, away from all of this, and to go away to college; and all I had to do to accomplish that was do well in school, so that's what I focused on. Everything else, all the problems, the drama, the fighting, all melted into the background. I breezed through the first three years of high school and took a heavy load of classes for my senior year, ready to finish strong, on a good note, and finally break free of this bog that endeavored to drain me and suck me down into it. Then, with no warning and in what now only seems like the span of a heartbeat, everything collapsed; like an avalanche, burying me underneath it.

I came home from school one day to find my house broken into, what little I had in it stolen, and the likely culprit being someone I knew on a drug binge. I lost all my stuff, save for my books, and before I could even take a minute to be devastated from that I found out our house had been in foreclosure for quite a while and I was going to lose that too. This all happened to be right around the time of my eighteenth birthday and my parents, never having cared much to begin with, took it as an opportunity to throw me away altogether. So I found myself just into the beginning of my final year of high school (ironically what was supposed to be the best one), on my own, practically homeless, with nowhere to go and no idea what to do. The dilapidated beams of support I had been trying to cling to gave out at last, and I found myself lost in the rubble.

The world didn't care how smart I was or how hard I tried. I was so frustrated I just wanted to find the blueprint to life, crawl through the ventilation system, sneak into the closet through a heating duct and hide there forever. But the thought of giving up now after coming this far quickly melted into a feeling of steady resolve. The story wasn't going to end here. Working, staying with friends when I could, riding a bike anywhere I had to go, doing whatever it took to get by; somehow, miraculously I pulled through. In spite of barely being able to make it to school one or two out of five days a week, I aced enough tests and squeezed enough credits out of the first semester to graduate. Moreover, with the help of my wonderful school counselor, it was arranged for me to finish the rest of the year taking Dual Enrollment classes at Edison State College which allowed for a much more accomodating schedule.My own innate abilities, harnessed together with rock solid, unwavering perserverence and determination was my aegis against the piercing lance of misfortune boring into me. Waking up every day and just telling myself I'm going to do it, I'm not going to give up; I'm going to get out of here and I'm going to be better. I just kept my head up and kept looking on into the future-- and it worked.

Upon graduating I wasn't left with much of a choice but to take some time off to get my life together, and I've had plenty of time to do that. Although I have a pretty big hole in my transcript because of all this, it should be said that it reflects my circumstances far more than my abilities. While I'm just as smart and capable as anyone, I was deprived of the chance to truly show it. My academic interests have always been with science, and in particular biology, chemistry, and medicine. That's what I'd like to pursue a career in, maybe even going as far as medical school. I have big plans for my life, I always have, and I hope that what was just a bump in the road won't knock me off the track completely.

Some people grew up in an environment of success, with successful parents, successful siblings, and all the knowledge, support, and opportunities that went along with that-- I didn't. Not able to turn to anyone, even for simple things like a ride to and from the bus stop if it was raining, I was mostly left to fend for myself. Many people would cite their parents or their family as their biggest motivation, inspiration, whatever, and believe it or not, mine are too. Parents are supposed to teach you things; mine only taught me what not to do, but that has turned out to be a powerful set of lessons. Growing up dragging that dead cow behind me was harsh but, in keeping with the analogy, it certainly made me stronger. I know that difficulty doesn't have to mean defeat, and where you come from doesn't have to shape who you are or who you will be. In fact achievment can be all the more satisfying because of the obstacles you overcome.

I still feel as if my life hasn't even begun yet, and that I'm stuck here on this cliffhanger with a big question mark hovering over me. I'm getting more and more restless, but finally getting out of here, putting all of this behind me and having the opportunity to spread my wings at UTD on the way to doing something I'm entirely passionate about will fix that. Give me that opportunity-- please. And then tune in next week for the exciting conclusion.