Undergraduate / Admission Appeal - NUS for Information System course [4]

Hi
I just got rejected from university. I was really hoping to get in and now I would like to appeal for my application. My GPA is high enough to be admitted and not sure why they reject me since I only received standard answer from admin office.. Could you please help me out? I just write a draft appeal - with reference to some essays from this site. Sorry my english is not good and I am really thankful if you could help me out. Thank you.

Dear ...
Good Morning to you!
First, I would like to thank you for taking time to reexamine your decision. I applied for an undergraduate admission to NUS for Information System course. Sadly I received notification letter of declining my application on 25 May 2010.

I would like to share with you why I applied for undergraduate course in NUS and how much I would like to study in NUS.

I came to Singapore 4 years ago after graduating from Basic Education High School Botahtaung. At that point of time, I was admitted to University of Medicine, most famous university in Yangon. However I decided to come to Singapore to study Diploma in Information and Communication course in Singapore Polytechnic since my dream is to become professional in IT. Computing was not famous subject in Myanmar and there was not much learning center to study there. Despite disapproval from all my relatives and friends, my family supported me to be able to study in Singapore. I had not disappointed them with my studies since I received a few awards for my outstanding academic performance. I graduated with Diploma in Merit with 3.84 GPA which I had been proud of till before receiving decline notification from admission office yesterday.

After graduating from Singapore Polytechnic, I had hard time by trying not to apply to any university to pursue my study. My family's financial situation was not in good situation hence I decided to work in full time to support my family and also to get work life experience.

As you could see from my academic result, I was weak in subjects non related to IT especially in language and communication modules. This might be one of reasons that you had considered while processing my application. I am pleased to inform you that you need not to worry fort this since I have picked up my interpersonal skills while I was working. Promotion to Project Leader after 1 year in eworld technologies is the best proof of my improved interpersonal and leadership skill.

Information Systems is my choice of course since it provides not only IT knowledge but also business knowledge which I would like to polish up for my future career.

To conclude, I have a very keen interest in experiencing life at NUS. That is why I want to continue to work hard and attend your university. I would like nothing better than to seize the opportunity to contribute positively towards campus life in various ways, and take advantage of the wealth that a NUS education has to offer. I would like to promise you that you will not be disappointed by letting me study in NUS since I believe in myself that I will be able to bring proud to you and NUS.

Thank you once again for your time and attention.