Undergraduate / I've been shy for as long as I can remember. [4]

this is written very well. i think the "non-shy" wording is a little awkward. are there any other ways to rephrase it?

also maybe add more to how your shyness and overcoming it benefits you. your whole essay talks about how you were shy.. and your last paragraph explains how you overcame it. however, your last paragraph is very short. i like the concluding sentence, but maybe add more to the body of that paragraph.