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Posts by Ermundo
Joined: Aug 13, 2010
Last Post: Aug 13, 2010
Threads: 1
Posts: 1  

From: United States of America

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Ermundo   
Aug 13, 2010
Undergraduate / Engineers can turn ideas into reality. [19]

One problem I have is that you don't cite any recent experiences that you've had in engineering, whether it be from science fair, science labs, or whatever. You refer to your childhood experiences and than immediately jump to your desire to go to Cornell. That leaves a huge gap in your life-the story of how your immediate spark towards the engineering process turned into a desire to go to Cornell to study engineering. Trust me, the story of how you choose engineering, the experiences you went through in life throughout high school-those are an important part of your story. To leave it out, to jump from Point A to Point Z, is gonna leave the people reading your essay confused. How could a kid who messed up in the Kitchen suddenly turn into a guy who wants to study Chemical engineering?

My suggestion would be to add a simple paragraph explaining your experiences and what brought about your decision to choose engineering as the field of choice.

Also,

It was not uncommon, to find me bent over

Get rid of the comma.
Ermundo   
Aug 13, 2010
Undergraduate / "My greatest fear in life...is wasting it." Northeastern Med School (NEUCOM) essay [5]

Prompt: Describe what you would contribute to the University or medical profession.

Just a note, the essay is about 1000 words long, and it isn't even close to the limit of 1350. I appreciate it if you read the whole thing, as it kinda builds up from the beginning, but really, any feedback, no matter how big or small, would be appreciated. It's for Neucom, an accelerated med program in Ohio.

My greatest fear in life is not on the list of typical fears. It is not death, darkness, heights, spiders, or any other terror on the great list of typical scares. In fact, my greatest fear is not even something that is external. It is within me. It is the fear that, when death comes knocking on the door and I am looking back on my life, I regret: I regret that I wasted all the time that I had, all the years of youth and adulthood, doing nothing at all that would keep alive my legacy. My fear, ultimately, is to waste my life. I am a fan of living it to the absolute fullest, not sitting on the couch wasting time. This is why I hate to procrastinate. And it is also why I have always wanted to be a doctor.

For someone like me, someone who does not want to waste life, helping people is my one goal. After all, most people will agree that spending and devoting your life to the benefit of others is the best way that a person can live, the best way that he or she can utilize his or her time on earth. I reached this conclusion after hearing stories from my Grandfather, who was himself a doctor before he retired. Working for the government of Pakistan, he went all over Africa to deliver aid to impoverished areas. He spent all of his adulthood devoted to this cause, despite the fact that he could have stayed at home. But he had no regrets. He loved every moment of his job, and he won the love of his many patients. Not only that, but he earned a legacy that time cannot erase, a legacy of putting others before himself. That is the kind of legacy that I want, the kind of life I want to live. My desire to be a doctor, a desire that began with my Grandpa's stories and my life experiences, was further magnified after I started volunteering at the local hospital. The experiences that I got from there really made me fall in love with the environment. From caring for patients to assisting nurses and doctors, I was exposed to the day-to-day workings of the hospital. I even got to see some surgeries up close and personal, a really unique experience that I could brag about to my friends. However, the one thing that really brought about my conviction to entering the medical field was seeing patients, no matter how bad their health was, always smile whenever a doctor entered the room to give them their final checkup before being released. The gratitude etched on the patient's face, a gift to the doctor who made him/her healthy again, was a reward that I came to desire. The ability to make people better, healthier, and ultimately, happier-that was the kind of job I wanted to have.

With that in mind, there is no question about how dedicated I am to becoming a medical student. With the medical knowledge from Neucom, I truly hope that I can contribute to the University in research. One of my goals in life is to help as many people as I possibly can, and the way I want to do that is to discover a ground-breaking therapy, treatment, or even cure to one of the many ailments that affect human health. Furthermore, I already know enough about the human body, courtesy of A.P. Biology, to know what really interests me. I particularly enjoyed learning about the heart and how such a complex muscle can work so hard throughout a person's life. One of Neucom's focuses in research is Cardiovascular diseases, a big problem that effects more people in America that perhaps any other kind of disease. If there were any new treatments that could be developed for heart disease or other heart problems, these treatments would change the lives of millions of people for the better. To be apart of this field, a field filled with enormous potential, is a dream that I truly desire. It is a desire that can only be satisfied by the research provided by Neucom.

On a larger scale, I have a few plans in mind when talking about my contribution to the medical field. Ultimately, the field that I want to go into is cardiology. As I said earlier, the heart is an organ that fascinates me. It is arguably one of the most essential to life, and one of the most complex. To have a healthy heart is the most important foundation to having a long life, and that is why I want to specialize in keeping it healthy. Despite its dependency though, it is still susceptible to many diseases, most of which have lifestyle causes. My goal is to keep the hearts of my town as healthy as possible. Besides cardiology, another plan I have for the future is to open a clinic. The city I live in, Cincinnati, has a wide range of communities, some of which are high-end and others that are not. Communities like Over the Rhine in Cincinnati not only are impoverished though, but crime rates are through the roof, a problem that can make the place very dangerous. My dad's friend, who was a brain surgeon before he retired, decided to do something about this problem once he did retire. He opened up an emergency care clinic in his township, a hospital that would accept anyone regardless of whether or not they had insurance. It was not a full fledged hospital, but anyone who had any minor health problems would be admitted. I too would like to do what my dad's friend did, opening up a clinic in my community that can be accessed by anyone. My goal is the same as my Grandfather, to give care to those who would otherwise suffer. Once I become a doctor, I hope to achieve that goal by returning back to Cincinnati and starting a clinic, a clinic that would be available to everyone.
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