RawrYoshi
Aug 17, 2010
Undergraduate / "we are trained to think in terms of self-benefit and greed" -SF Essay Intro [3]
Hi there! I'm new to these forums, but I've seen some excellent essays and revisions so I was wondering if I could acquire some help. What I've managed to keep from all the writing is my intro.
The Essay for USF: Submit a 1-2 page essay about how you would help realize our mission to make the world "a more just and humane place."
My intro:
In today's society we are trained to think in terms of self-benefit and greed. The continuous manipulation of people by others has created an atmosphere of distrust and fear. This sentiment of disbelief in humanity has created this inhumane and unjust world. The most viable solution to this problem and to improve the qualities of this world is to adopt a new mentality, which contrasts the societal norm. In order to progress and to improve our world, humanity has to understand and espouse altruism.
**I'm having the trouble of making this a personal essay instead of a psychology research paper. The matter of fact is that I know the story I want to tell, but I'm having a hard time conveying it. Any suggestions on how to make this a personal essay? When is it appropriate to use narrations? Also, I find it common for people to always write about specific instances that occur in their lives, but I do not have these "ah-ha!" moments to write about. I know these essays are to supposed to be specific, but my question is how specific? Any tips? Thanks for reading.
Hi there! I'm new to these forums, but I've seen some excellent essays and revisions so I was wondering if I could acquire some help. What I've managed to keep from all the writing is my intro.
The Essay for USF: Submit a 1-2 page essay about how you would help realize our mission to make the world "a more just and humane place."
My intro:
In today's society we are trained to think in terms of self-benefit and greed. The continuous manipulation of people by others has created an atmosphere of distrust and fear. This sentiment of disbelief in humanity has created this inhumane and unjust world. The most viable solution to this problem and to improve the qualities of this world is to adopt a new mentality, which contrasts the societal norm. In order to progress and to improve our world, humanity has to understand and espouse altruism.
**I'm having the trouble of making this a personal essay instead of a psychology research paper. The matter of fact is that I know the story I want to tell, but I'm having a hard time conveying it. Any suggestions on how to make this a personal essay? When is it appropriate to use narrations? Also, I find it common for people to always write about specific instances that occur in their lives, but I do not have these "ah-ha!" moments to write about. I know these essays are to supposed to be specific, but my question is how specific? Any tips? Thanks for reading.
