kingofremix
Aug 23, 2010
Writing Feedback / 'my actions have really touched' - day you made up a mistake which upset other people [3]
(Hey mate i really need your help) please check its content, language and sentence structure and correct all mistakes.I don't mind if everything is wrong.And give me a marking out of 30.please!!!!!!!!!
One day you made up a mistake which upset other people.Write about how you tried to put things right.
In my little experience in life, I have had to go through a lot both good and bad experiences which taught me a lot in life. However, I make it a must to get the best out of every situation as I always try to learn from my mistakes. This is a small anecdote of a mistake that I committed but which I did my best to rectify.
It was all on a hot stifling Sunday Afternoon; as usual I was playing football at the yard of my friend Sundy's place. During the match, my team was awarded a free-kick and being the most skillful player of my team, I was asked to take out that free-kick. This was something very exciting and I gave in all the energy I had in my stomach for that petty free-kick. As a consequence, the ball went high up in the sky and came back down with a loud banging noise that terrified us all. Immediately, we all started searching frantically what had happened.
"Oh no," said Tommy to all of us. We soon realized that the ball had hit the window pane of the house of Mrs. Tumilia. This was the last thing that all of us would have wanted; given that Mrs. Tumilia was well known for her strong and terrifying character. Besides, she did not have anyone else and lived all alone in her little old house. However, we were lucky enough that Mrs. Tumilia was out with some work, and so we got some time to think of a solution. To my great disappointment, all of my pals left me and returned back home as I was the faulty one, who took that wicked free-kick. I tried to think of a solution but apparently I would have to wait until tomorrow to replace that broken window pane as the workshop was closed up at this hour.
Mustering some courage, I waited for the arrival of Mrs. Tumilia and narrated her whole ordeal, taking all the charge on myself. My heart was throbbing very fast at these instants while something unexpected happened. Despite the unnerving character of Mrs. Tumilia she did not say anything and instead tried hard to snag her tooth on her bottom lips as if she was trying not to say something hard, but I could clearly see that she would hated the idea of having to spend the whole night awake in case a thief would take advantage of the broken window to sneak in.
I could no more support the idea of making a poor lady to wake up during the night and, by god grace, a magnificent idea struck me. Without any further ado, I told Mrs. Tumilia that I would voluntarily come at her place to watch out her house and yard and, hence, she would be able to have some good sleep. Consoled by my proposal, she finally made out a light smile that unburden the pain of causing problems to an old lady.
As said previously, I came up at Mrs. Tumilia's place at seven o'clock and I immediately reveal the surprise that I had already planned to cheer her up even more. I brought up a nice and cozy meal prepared by mother, which pleased and delighted Mrs. Tumilia so immensely that tears even flowed down her cheeks. She even told me that my actions have really touched her and that now I could leave for home as she sincerely no more bore me any grudge. In spite of that, I stuck to my promise and the night proved to be utterly lengthy and tiring.
On the following day, I immediately rushed up to the nearest workshop to buy the required window pane and I fixed it up and replaced the broken one. After wards Mrs. Tumilia thanked me gratefully and, on that day, I was very proud of myself as I paid for my mistake and I succeeded in putting things right.
(Hey mate i really need your help) please check its content, language and sentence structure and correct all mistakes.I don't mind if everything is wrong.And give me a marking out of 30.please!!!!!!!!!
One day you made up a mistake which upset other people.Write about how you tried to put things right.
In my little experience in life, I have had to go through a lot both good and bad experiences which taught me a lot in life. However, I make it a must to get the best out of every situation as I always try to learn from my mistakes. This is a small anecdote of a mistake that I committed but which I did my best to rectify.
It was all on a hot stifling Sunday Afternoon; as usual I was playing football at the yard of my friend Sundy's place. During the match, my team was awarded a free-kick and being the most skillful player of my team, I was asked to take out that free-kick. This was something very exciting and I gave in all the energy I had in my stomach for that petty free-kick. As a consequence, the ball went high up in the sky and came back down with a loud banging noise that terrified us all. Immediately, we all started searching frantically what had happened.
"Oh no," said Tommy to all of us. We soon realized that the ball had hit the window pane of the house of Mrs. Tumilia. This was the last thing that all of us would have wanted; given that Mrs. Tumilia was well known for her strong and terrifying character. Besides, she did not have anyone else and lived all alone in her little old house. However, we were lucky enough that Mrs. Tumilia was out with some work, and so we got some time to think of a solution. To my great disappointment, all of my pals left me and returned back home as I was the faulty one, who took that wicked free-kick. I tried to think of a solution but apparently I would have to wait until tomorrow to replace that broken window pane as the workshop was closed up at this hour.
Mustering some courage, I waited for the arrival of Mrs. Tumilia and narrated her whole ordeal, taking all the charge on myself. My heart was throbbing very fast at these instants while something unexpected happened. Despite the unnerving character of Mrs. Tumilia she did not say anything and instead tried hard to snag her tooth on her bottom lips as if she was trying not to say something hard, but I could clearly see that she would hated the idea of having to spend the whole night awake in case a thief would take advantage of the broken window to sneak in.
I could no more support the idea of making a poor lady to wake up during the night and, by god grace, a magnificent idea struck me. Without any further ado, I told Mrs. Tumilia that I would voluntarily come at her place to watch out her house and yard and, hence, she would be able to have some good sleep. Consoled by my proposal, she finally made out a light smile that unburden the pain of causing problems to an old lady.
As said previously, I came up at Mrs. Tumilia's place at seven o'clock and I immediately reveal the surprise that I had already planned to cheer her up even more. I brought up a nice and cozy meal prepared by mother, which pleased and delighted Mrs. Tumilia so immensely that tears even flowed down her cheeks. She even told me that my actions have really touched her and that now I could leave for home as she sincerely no more bore me any grudge. In spite of that, I stuck to my promise and the night proved to be utterly lengthy and tiring.
On the following day, I immediately rushed up to the nearest workshop to buy the required window pane and I fixed it up and replaced the broken one. After wards Mrs. Tumilia thanked me gratefully and, on that day, I was very proud of myself as I paid for my mistake and I succeeded in putting things right.
