Posts by ktsmith316

ktsmith316

Sep 7, 2010

Undergraduate / "n experience that will alter my life and future" HOW PURDUE HELP YOU ACHIEVE GOALS? [8]

Pretty good essay. You personalized it which is key, but using slang words such as "haters" may make this essay sound unproffesional. I noticed grammatical errors & pointed some of them out below to help you perfect it. Also, make sure when writing a sentence to finish the thought. Best of Luck!

"This I am certain this would certainly push the best in me out"...didn't make sense.
"...which aims to teach practical education with traditional teaching makes it very different from other Universities." ... "Universities" shouldn't be capitalized.

"forgotten!!" One exclamation point gets the point across.
"Stepping out into the "wild" was the key to get the best out of me." .. You've used "the best out of me" twice. Try switching your wording, so it doesn't sound like you're repeating yourself.

"Purdue has an diverse and inclusive student community.." "a" instead of "an"
"All in all college will also be a exciting challenge for me for which I am ready." Comma after "All in all"

ktsmith316

Aug 31, 2010

Undergraduate / 'I grew up here, in Ohio' - Why are you interested in Ohio State? [5]

I agree, switch them.
good job writing about yourself and what interests you
maybe explain why they should pick you.

ktsmith316

Aug 25, 2010

Undergraduate / My life as a lacrosse player, my frist college application essay, very rough draft [7]

Very good, just a couple places that need commas like "In my sophomore year," and "Once I became a freshman,"
I agree with the posts above and only question the very first paragraph. The first sentence to be more specific. Yes, it is an attention grabber, but you could use more professional words like when you used "nauseous". "Threw up" doesn't sound appetizing and may scare the reader of what's to come in the rest of the essay. I'll throw out a couple sentences I didn't get below for you to consider revising.

"I spent most of practice inside the goal learning techniques, but when I learned the most was on the field."

"Just because I was more confident in goal my junior year, doesn't mean that I had everything under control."
I would avoid using slang terms in this paper because chances are the person reading it hasn't played. I wouldn't start the sentence off with just because. Consider switching the sentence up. For example " I was more confident in the goal my junior year, but still didn't have everything under control."

Hope I could help! Good Luck!

ktsmith316

Aug 25, 2010

Undergraduate / "to major in the Medical field" - Application essay (the Ohio State) [3]

This is an essay for The Ohio State University's application. The question was "Why are you interested in Ohio State?" The maximum of words was 300. This is at 290.

I'm interested in attending The Ohio State University for numerous reasons. I believe the university fits my personality and will allow me to become an independent, well-rounded individual with its diversity. I'm an engaged leader who is committed to community participation for social action and change and believe The Ohio State University will enable me to reach my fullest potential.

The Columbus campus is close to my hometown, so I can visit my family frequently, yet far enough away that I can grow and find myself. I feel comfortable and safe on the clean campus even with its large size. The small class ratios are an appeal because I believe strong connections with my professors will help me gain the best education possible. The City of Columbus, only a few miles down the road, provides multiple job and field experience opportunities. I respect the selective admissions process because it eliminates the less motivated, so the other students can work together efficiently and effectively.

I intend to major in the Medical field, but haven't decided an exact one to declare. The wide selection of majors makes me feel confident that I will be able to make an educated decision after exploring all of my options. I'm interested in the human body and how it functions. I know there are many careers in this area of interest, so I would like to experience some of them before I make my decision. The university has received numerous high rankings for its education and facilities, many within their medical program. This reassures me that I ,along with my fellow classmates, will be receiving cutting edge education and will be apart of major research projects that will start us on our ways to success.