vivian_lu3
Sep 27, 2010
Undergraduate / Sports Medicine Career: The beginning to an End - USC Essay [5]
Hey Kevin, thanks for the suggestion. I am currently reworking my essay and am stuck at the part where I describe my injury. This is what I have so far:
The morning of my birthday, I woke up extra early to pack my gym bag and head to the gym for our basketball team's annual tournament. The game started off as any other basketball game, we were playing the competitive San Jose Ninjas and were in the mist of the final minutes of the game. It was the 4th quarter of the game, and I had finally made a successful steal from the Ninjas and was sprinting down the court as fast as my legs could carry me. However, alongside of me were two other Ninja girls, both were attempting to whack the ball out of my hands like hyenas fighting for their prey. However, I was persistent and determined to outrun them as a gazelle outruns a cheetah, and possibly make a remarkable shot. As one of the Ninja girls next to me was running, she tripped and involuntarily fell to the ground. I quickly accessed the situation and saw it to be a great opportunity to speedily blow past the fallen Ninja player. However, I had completely forgotten about the other Ninja player whom was still attempting to steal the ball from me. During our high speed run, she slightly nudged me, and I fell over the already fallen Ninja girl's body resulting in my right leg being trapped between the two Ninja girls, and tearing my ACL and Meniscus. The series of events that preceded this injury is now such a blur, I can still feel the pain and frustration now as I did 4 years ago as I was lying on the court drenched in sweat and tears.
I had deleted the entire 2nd paragraph because I did not feel like it was important in telling my story. I am trying to recreate this event in such a way in which the reader will be fully engaged and feel like he/she was there to witness it. Any suggestions?
Hey Kevin, thanks for the suggestion. I am currently reworking my essay and am stuck at the part where I describe my injury. This is what I have so far:
The morning of my birthday, I woke up extra early to pack my gym bag and head to the gym for our basketball team's annual tournament. The game started off as any other basketball game, we were playing the competitive San Jose Ninjas and were in the mist of the final minutes of the game. It was the 4th quarter of the game, and I had finally made a successful steal from the Ninjas and was sprinting down the court as fast as my legs could carry me. However, alongside of me were two other Ninja girls, both were attempting to whack the ball out of my hands like hyenas fighting for their prey. However, I was persistent and determined to outrun them as a gazelle outruns a cheetah, and possibly make a remarkable shot. As one of the Ninja girls next to me was running, she tripped and involuntarily fell to the ground. I quickly accessed the situation and saw it to be a great opportunity to speedily blow past the fallen Ninja player. However, I had completely forgotten about the other Ninja player whom was still attempting to steal the ball from me. During our high speed run, she slightly nudged me, and I fell over the already fallen Ninja girl's body resulting in my right leg being trapped between the two Ninja girls, and tearing my ACL and Meniscus. The series of events that preceded this injury is now such a blur, I can still feel the pain and frustration now as I did 4 years ago as I was lying on the court drenched in sweat and tears.
I had deleted the entire 2nd paragraph because I did not feel like it was important in telling my story. I am trying to recreate this event in such a way in which the reader will be fully engaged and feel like he/she was there to witness it. Any suggestions?