Undergraduate / UCF admissions essay (family history, culture, or enviornment influence) [4]

This is what I have, but I'm not sure if it's good enough. I need all the help I can get.

How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are?

2. The environment in my life has changed many times, but it is my family and culture that has had the greatest influence on my life. I grew up with a sister 15 months older than me, and 2 brothers 10 years older. We had a live-in nanny because my Dad worked for Air Ambulance, and my Mom had patients all day working as a self-employed psychologist. I learned at an early age how to defend myself, how to keep a secret, how to apologize, love, hate, and how to forgive. My dad and brothers taught me how to be tough, my mom taught me how to love, and care and talk about my feelings, and my sister is still teaching me how to mature, accept, and learn from her mistakes. My parents raised us not in a religious home, but a home where we were aware that we are Jews, and that that is something to be proud of. At 16 my brothers were high school drop outs and not exactly volunteering at the homeless shelter. Fast forward 10 years to where they are now, and you will see them both married with a new born, living in Crown Heights, New York. They had found an attraction to our religion that could only be described as a miracle, if you imagined where else they could be based on their troubled past. I'm now reaping the benefits of their turnaround by witnessing how big a change a person can make in their selves once you start making smarter decisions. I also have a newfound appreciation and education of Judaism that wouldn't be there if it weren't for my brothers. I believe that my exposure to such a huge change in not only person, but two, is a luxury I was given and want to utilize it for everything it's worth.