tiffy
Sep 29, 2010
Undergraduate / "hoof beats" - TWO COMMON APP SHORT ANSWER ESSAYS [3]
I cant decide which one is better for the application...Also is everything grammatically correct?
Which one would you choose? And what do you guys think about either essay?
1. The pounding rhythm of hoof beats was the first thing I felt when I took my first riding lesson years ago. Then a year later it was the own pounding of my heart that I felt when I participated in my first horse show. I practiced so hard for this moment but still I had a case of stage fright, I felt that my saddle was too slippery, my boots to tight and my horse might start to act up at any moment. My anxiety disappeared however when I crossed the first obstacle. From then on my entire focus was on completing my task; I was determined to finish what I started. After I successfully finished, I was so pleased that I made it from start to finish that winning didn't matter, I was just happy that I participated. I became champion of the show that night.
2. The taste of a moment of freedom and weightlessness descends as I feel the powerful muscles rippling to create a pounding rhythm of hoof beats. The wind is swooshing past me, hitting me in my face, as I create a perfect, peaceful rhythm with the animal under me as we are going faster and faster. We gallop through the pastures and woods encountering rough unknown territory and yet we are managing to cross all obstacles. I feel the stress and problems that have put weight on my shoulders drain away to allow me to find new solutions to whatever problems I have or will be facing. Later, I slow my horse drown to a walk and we take deep even breaths as I look around and be a peace with the beautiful scenery of nature greatest accomplishments then I return at a brisk trot and am ready to face whatever challenges life has in store for me.
I cant decide which one is better for the application...Also is everything grammatically correct?
Which one would you choose? And what do you guys think about either essay?
1. The pounding rhythm of hoof beats was the first thing I felt when I took my first riding lesson years ago. Then a year later it was the own pounding of my heart that I felt when I participated in my first horse show. I practiced so hard for this moment but still I had a case of stage fright, I felt that my saddle was too slippery, my boots to tight and my horse might start to act up at any moment. My anxiety disappeared however when I crossed the first obstacle. From then on my entire focus was on completing my task; I was determined to finish what I started. After I successfully finished, I was so pleased that I made it from start to finish that winning didn't matter, I was just happy that I participated. I became champion of the show that night.
2. The taste of a moment of freedom and weightlessness descends as I feel the powerful muscles rippling to create a pounding rhythm of hoof beats. The wind is swooshing past me, hitting me in my face, as I create a perfect, peaceful rhythm with the animal under me as we are going faster and faster. We gallop through the pastures and woods encountering rough unknown territory and yet we are managing to cross all obstacles. I feel the stress and problems that have put weight on my shoulders drain away to allow me to find new solutions to whatever problems I have or will be facing. Later, I slow my horse drown to a walk and we take deep even breaths as I look around and be a peace with the beautiful scenery of nature greatest accomplishments then I return at a brisk trot and am ready to face whatever challenges life has in store for me.
