Undergraduate / "Gambling taught me a lot of things" - Personal Growth Essay, SUNY topic [4]

the topic is Tell us about a person or experience you have encountered. Describe how that encounter challenged you and resulted in personal growth.

im new to this and i want to hear anyone's thoughts. thanks!

Gambling Teaching

Gamble. What does that word mean? Its meaning varies with the perception of the person. Like many things it casts a myriad of shadows and takes innumerable forms. For most people it simply just means to play with, take a risk or chance. That meaning is superficial to me. For me it holds a much larger and deeper meaning. I relate that word with anxiety, addiction, and self realization.

Introduced through friends, I started gambling at the end of my sophomore year. It was appealing to me because I was doing it with friends and seemingly had no strings attached. I had always thought I would not become of those people that fiend for gambling but I was wrong. Gambling is like a narcotic of its own kind, its effects slowly grasping you. It's a different brand of high and you don't have to smoke or snort anything; just get dealt the cards. Winning by the means of gambling makes you feel ecstatic and like the king of the world, but the reality of things is that you can't win all the time. One night you can win big but other nights you come short and lose everything that you came in with. That is what makes you want to keep playing; the thought that you lost this hand but the next is irrefutably the one. But it never is.

Soon after, depression hit me. I viewed things in a pessimistic way and I was not the same person anymore. The nights I pulled just for a few dollars or worse, nothing, just fed the hollow casing of the person I had become. The feeling of going into a place when it is dark out and emerging from there after the night gambling and seeing the sky illuminated by the sun is a feeling I never want to relive. All that money lost was never coming back and the addiction became clear. Not only did I collect a massive debt but the stress was overwhelming. Gambling was not worth it anymore.

Abandoning my habit was actually harder than I had initially thought. I assume it is much like surrendering cigarettes, more onerous than anyone who has not done it before would think. When my friends, who continued to gamble would ask if I wanted to play, I said no. Honestly, it took a lot for me to give them that reply. In the back of my head I wanted to, intensely. Eventually the urge went away and when it finally did, it felt amazing. The grip was gone and I felt lighter. No pressure to pay or the thoughts of, 'How am I going to pay him?'. My worries were completely gone.

Gambling taught me an immense amount of things. The short time I spent throwing away money probably taught me more about life and myself than any other time in my life. It was like an epiphany. I realized that I am only human and all the impulses could affect me. Addiction could get to me and the only way out is to realize it before it is too late. Money is not always readily available and its value goes beyond the number written on it. Patience is virtue and you must be a chameleon, adapting to any situation or circumstance. I realized that you have to take hold of what is around you and live life in the moment. Through gambling I learned what not to do, whether it would be in the game or in everyday situations. I have become more diligent and keen. Most importantly, it has made me more capable and adept for any task, mentally and academically.