Graduate / "my new attempt to scale new heights" - SoP for MSc in Finance [5]

Here's my SoP for admission to a MSc in Finance, appreciated if anyone can help to proofread for any grammer mistake or problematic sentences, give me some suggestion on how this SoP can be improved for better chance of admission, thanks in advance!!!

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Investment, as a field, had always fascinated me right from my teenage period. My family start to teach me how to manage money during days when I was attending middle school. This was the time I learnt the first lesson of invesetment, then I start to develop interest in this field and subsequently took Finance as minor during my undergraduate. After graduation, I worked in ____ and I am now working in _____ as a _____, all these experiences allow me to acquire more in-depth knowledge in the invesmestment business. With my interest in this field, I have determined to pursue a career in the finance industry and hence decided to do a Masters program in Finance.

After I finished my undergraduate study, I started to work in ______. Having worked in ______ for four years, my areas of work covered audit, financial analysis and systems review, which build up my technical knowledge and widen my exposure on various kind of businesses. Among those, I enjoy auditing ____ the most as I can attain knowledge on the operation procedure and business logics behind.

I thereafter aimed for more practical experience, thus switched to work as _______ in ________. Working in _______ allow me to gain insight on how the industry works, for instance, now I have a better idea on the pricing logic, how the products are sell to different types of clients and the distribution mechanisms involved.

Majority of my previous job responsibilities covered accounting and finance related tasks, and I have always treasured all these working experiences. Moving forward, I desire to progress my career towards product development and analysis, and move from my current mid-level position to a more comprehensive and challenging upper role, I would like to further strengthe my academic background, analytical skills and industry knowledge in order to achieve this.

Besides, CFA is an key element in the invesmtnet community, as ______ is one of the top business schools awarded the CFA Program Partner, this Msc in Finance will definitely best equip me for my career in this aspect.

Selecting a graduate school is not an easy task, after comparing finance programs provide by various universities, MSc in Finance at _____ best meet my academic and career goals. Reputation of the University and the Business School's are the second most essential factor for my consideration, ____and _____ are both highly recognized in the World. Other than the postgraduate programme itself and the University's prestigious reputation, the physical location is the third most influencing factor, although I never visit ____, I have researched and heard a lot about this country, it is always a place that attracted me, the people, the culture and the beautiful scenery, and I would love to immerse myself in a place that brings such a unique cross-cultural experience during my postgraduate study, thus MSc in Finance at ____, meeting all my criteria, is definitely my top choice.

I am by no means the smartest student in my class or the most brilliant staff in my company. But my perseverance, my pursuit of excellence, and my readiness to challenge oneself's ultimate limit have enabled me to achieve self-transcendence time in my past education and during my current job. I believe that life is a long journey and my present application for the MSc in Finance at _______ is my new attempt to scale new heights.

I wish my background and qualifications are found suitable for admission to Msc in Finance at _______. I am looking forward to your positive reply.