SteigerS
Oct 10, 2010
Undergraduate / "Changes I would make if I had a second chance" - Purdue Prompt [3]
Purdue Essay (250-1000 words):
"If you had a second chance -- the opportunity to do something over and do it differently -- what would you choose to do over and what changes would you make?"
I recall going through my freshman and sophomore years of high school thinking that my only obligation was to obtain good grades. I participated in trivial amounts of community service and sometimes friends managed to drag me along to their clubs and events. In my early years of high school, I wasted most of my time playing video games and watching television instead of embracing the experiences that would later define me.
During my junior year of high school, I began to participate in extracurricular activities. My friends convinced me to run on our school's teams instead of running on my own. I became more involved with volunteer work by devoting my weekends to community service. I even became a teacher at my brother's religious school for the first time since junior high school. Throughout my junior year, I managed to fill up my free time outside of school with school sports and community service instead of video games and television. By doing so, I found that I was able to enjoy my free time and use it productively.
I truly regret that I did not turn off the television sooner and become active outside of school during my early years of high school. During my junior year of high school, I found that splitting my time between sports, volunteering, and upper-level school courses consumed so much of my time that I wasn't able to participate in extracurricular activities that were offered at my school. I now wish I could leap back to freshman year to begin participating in activities such as the Science fair, Science Olympiad, our local ACM chapter, and Film Club.
If I could redo my freshman and sophomore years, I would participate in more clubs because I did not discover how enjoyable they were until my junior year of high school. I did not realize how enjoyable analyzing films or overcoming scientific challenges with fellow students could be until. I also did not see how unproductive I was being by drooling in front of a television or a computer monitor instead of engaging my mind in science and computer challenges or participating in my community.
Notes (I would appreciate answers to any of these questions, though not necessary):
- As the essay is, the word count is 359. I think this is too short. Should I aim for a 500-750 word range?
- I've tried to add specific sentences. Did this come across as being too wordy and long-winded?
- Does my essay get off topic at any point?
- I was thinking about adding a paragraph about how I ran on my own during my sophomore year and how I wish I had joined my school's team sooner. This paragraph would focus on how much I benefited from joining the team in junior year. Would this be off topic for the essay?
- Should the essay be reconfigured to break down my high school year by year and what i should have done year by year?
- Should I focus and explain in detail more on how I've benefited from what I did later in my school career (such as running with the team, community services, & being a teacher have changed me for the better)?
Purdue Essay (250-1000 words):
"If you had a second chance -- the opportunity to do something over and do it differently -- what would you choose to do over and what changes would you make?"
I recall going through my freshman and sophomore years of high school thinking that my only obligation was to obtain good grades. I participated in trivial amounts of community service and sometimes friends managed to drag me along to their clubs and events. In my early years of high school, I wasted most of my time playing video games and watching television instead of embracing the experiences that would later define me.
During my junior year of high school, I began to participate in extracurricular activities. My friends convinced me to run on our school's teams instead of running on my own. I became more involved with volunteer work by devoting my weekends to community service. I even became a teacher at my brother's religious school for the first time since junior high school. Throughout my junior year, I managed to fill up my free time outside of school with school sports and community service instead of video games and television. By doing so, I found that I was able to enjoy my free time and use it productively.
I truly regret that I did not turn off the television sooner and become active outside of school during my early years of high school. During my junior year of high school, I found that splitting my time between sports, volunteering, and upper-level school courses consumed so much of my time that I wasn't able to participate in extracurricular activities that were offered at my school. I now wish I could leap back to freshman year to begin participating in activities such as the Science fair, Science Olympiad, our local ACM chapter, and Film Club.
If I could redo my freshman and sophomore years, I would participate in more clubs because I did not discover how enjoyable they were until my junior year of high school. I did not realize how enjoyable analyzing films or overcoming scientific challenges with fellow students could be until. I also did not see how unproductive I was being by drooling in front of a television or a computer monitor instead of engaging my mind in science and computer challenges or participating in my community.
Notes (I would appreciate answers to any of these questions, though not necessary):
- As the essay is, the word count is 359. I think this is too short. Should I aim for a 500-750 word range?
- I've tried to add specific sentences. Did this come across as being too wordy and long-winded?
- Does my essay get off topic at any point?
- I was thinking about adding a paragraph about how I ran on my own during my sophomore year and how I wish I had joined my school's team sooner. This paragraph would focus on how much I benefited from joining the team in junior year. Would this be off topic for the essay?
- Should the essay be reconfigured to break down my high school year by year and what i should have done year by year?
- Should I focus and explain in detail more on how I've benefited from what I did later in my school career (such as running with the team, community services, & being a teacher have changed me for the better)?
