Undergraduate / "Getting lost in a book" - University of Chicago 'Find X' Essay [6]

First of all, I would like to say that I love your beginning. When you said "I have spent my 18 years of life" I think you should take out life. I honestly read the entire thing and I have to say that I loved your first two sentences and the last paragraph. The middle is just a little too much questions without any real meaning behind them that makes me the reader actually see what your talking about. When you talk about the sky being blue and the girl telling you that its blue because it just is, I think that you should say that throughout childhood you never got those thrilling answers that explained every question you ever thought of. Like the people around you lived life just to live and followed others like drones with no real meaning or light. You as a person and being who you are wanted something more and embarked on many different identities, and that's where you should start talking about your middle school years of living a facade like a dream and not being happy with who you were.

I also think that you should use another transition than "Jumping a few years ahead." For some reason I don't like it. Otherwise great essay :)

Undergraduate / "Lisa saved me and helped shape me" - impact on your life [5]

Your essay is really good and I agree that you need to talk more about yourself and how Lisa changed you as a person. Also I think that this is a great first draft but you need to have a more sophisticated writing style. This essay just screams middle school. You can do without the bubbly imagery and more sophistication. Like when you said "On a sunny cotton cloud spring." For some reason this doesn't sound too good. Also I don't think that you should start with the sentence I believe, try erasing that and start with In their youth. I also think that you should change the word everybody to everyone. So it should sound like this: "In their youth, everyone has had at least one person...." Overall great though :)